


Burns Like Fire on the Rushing Sea

by cgreene



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, also there's poetry, and I think that's nice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:34:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cgreene/pseuds/cgreene
Summary: This was supposed to be a smutty little one-shot, but it's already turned into something longer.  Zuko and Katara uncover their feelings for one another on Ember Island, and as they prepare for Sozin's Comet, they fall into a passionate romance, desperate to make the most of their time together.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 67
Kudos: 380





	1. Burns Like Fire on the Rushing Sea

**Author's Note:**

> First: A little quote from the exquisite mystic poet Rumi to set the mood:
> 
> "I want a trouble-maker for a lover, blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame, who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate, who burns like fire on the rushing sea." - Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
> 
> Second: This is probably going to be a lemony little thing full of smut. Not much plot. Not too many chapters (hopefully?). We're picking up on the night after the Ember Island Players. The plan is for it to lean towards sweet and tender, with maybe a good bit of teenage awkwardness too. But sex will be had…I just need them to get to it naturally (is that the right word?). I just don't want it to seem forced or contrived. My goal as a writer is mostly to buck misogynistic tropes that I find offensive or disempowering for women. I would love feedback on this! Anything common plot points that really annoy you, especially in terms of women and romance, let me know and I'll see if I can subvert it.
> 
> Third: I have some reservations about Katara's presumed age and writing this, so I'm just going to pretend she's older than she seems in the show. I'll let you all decide whatever age you're comfortable with.
> 
> Fourth: I do ever so much love comments! I'm especially interested in feedback about the quality of the writing, but mostly how I represent female characters and their agency in a story—especially regarding romance and sex. This is a bit of an obsession of mine, and a component of my Masters Thesis was about how women's sexuality as it's so often portrayed in media is harmful, so are there story elements or character moments that are working for you? Or not? Let me know! Do I write men well? Everything I write about them is pure invention as I have no brother, boyfriend, best friend to reference. Just let me know if something isn't working/ isn't believable. A million thank yous in advance.
> 
> Also, I'm old and don't know how internet fandoms work. I pretty much only come here when I'm gripped by a story so powerfully I can't not write about it…am I doing tags right? Do I need to share this on tumblr? Somewhere else? What is Zutara week? Or Month? I'm brand new to this fandom. How does it work? Please tell me! I put a lot of effort in getting my stories "right", so I hope they reach others who are looking for a better ending, or at least more moments, for characters they love.
> 
> Alright, well, even if I don't get the whole sharing thing right, here the story is, I'm so happy for those of you who've found it, and I hope you enjoy 😊

**Burns Like Fire on the Rushing Sea**

* * *

First: A little quote from the exquisite mystic poet Rumi to set the mood:

"I want a trouble-maker for a lover, blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame, who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate, who burns like fire on the rushing sea."

_\- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi_

* * *

Katara is surprised when she hears laughing as she walks down the long hall of the Royal Family's beach house on Ember Island. It must be close to midnight, and she thought everyone was asleep, but she can hear Sokka's deep belly laughs echo over Suki's soft giggles rolling down the corridor.

The soft light of fire pours through the doorframe, dancing with the night's velvety shadows, and Katara is surprised to see Zuko is also sitting with them when she enters the room.

"What are you doing?" She asks plainly, but it comes out like an accusation.

They look at her like criminals, their faces guilty, all of them, with the possible exception of Zuko, used to thinking of her as the "mom". Sokka has a bottle of rice liquor he tries to hide from her by setting it on the floor, but he's already drunk too much to be smooth and it falls over with a loud clank.

"What are you doing up?" He challenges her with big-brother authority.

"Couldn't sleep," she tells directly. She stands with one arm crossed in front of her, holding herself small and tight, still standing in the shadows, apart from the group. Zuko is the only one to notice she seems upset. "What's that?" she says, eyeing the bottle that he'd failed to hide.

"What?" Sokka acts like he has no idea what she's talking about. But he's drunker than he realizes and slurs his words slightly as she tries to kick the bottle away.

Suki covers her mouth as she dissolves into a fit of giggles, unable to contain herself, and Zuko just smirks, ever so slightly as he picks the bottle up and hands it to Katara.

She walks slowly to the group and inspects it. It's a beautiful brown bottle with fancy embellishments beveled into its rim and a label she's never seen before.

"So you guys are drunk?"

"No," Sokka says, drawing the word out with a long sing-song exaggeration that reveals the truth.

Katara arches her eyebrow and shoots him a skeptical glance. Suki continues to giggle while Zuko sits up confidently and shrugs. He's not going to deny it.

Katara doesn't want to be excluded. She uncorks the bottle and brings it to her lips.

"Hey, Katara, hold on a second," Sokka says, reaching out to her. He tries to get up, but his feet don't cooperate, so he sits down and tries to straighten up. "That stuff's not for kids."

"I'm not a kid," she tells him with an icy glare.

Sokka considers it for a moment. "Okay, yeah, you're right. Come join the grownups." He pats the seat next to him.

Katara walks over to it and sits down. She brings the bottle to her lips and the heavy fumes wrinkle her nose. It smells awful and she can't imagine it tasting good. But she's already decided to join them. She doesn't want them to think of her as "one of the kids," like Aang.

She shakes his name from her mind with an annoyed huff and takes a big gulp of the liquid.

It stings and burns her throat, and she coughs horribly as she swallows it.

Sokka laughs at her, and Suki lets out a small chuckle. Zuko just gives her a knowing look and nods respectfully. He remembers his first time, and she's doing well.

"How do you guys drink this stuff?" she says, still choking on its taste. She feels like she wants to scrub her tongue clean. But she can only think about it for a few moments before something warm and whirring starts to grow in her stomach. She thinks briefly that she might throw up, but the moment passes, and she begins to like the sensation that spreads across her body.

Sokka reaches out to grab the bottle from her, but she's already brought it to her lips and takes another big gulp.

The group watches her, impressed. She tosses this one back expertly. No grimace or groan.

"Easy, little sister," Sokka says, and with a focused effort, he snatches the bottle from her hands. "You gotta be careful with this stuff."

"Why?" she asks, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Everyone just chuckles. Sokka takes another big gulp and passes it to Suki, she just shakes her head and waves her hands in front of her to pass. She knows she's had enough. So Sokka passes it to Zuko.

Zuko grabs the bottle and stares at it momentarily. "This is some of the best liquor in the Fire Nation," he tells her as he takes a steady, measured swig. The liquid doesn't seem to have much of an effect on him.

"The Fire Lord is at least good for one thing," Sokka laughs, taking the bottle back and drinking again, "his liquor cabinet is full!"

"This stuff is probably from my uncle," Zuko admits, "my father isn't much of a drinker."

"Really?" Katara doesn't know why this surprises her.

Sokka tries to pass the bottle back to Zuko but she intercepts it. Sokka's eyes hold hers for a second, but he relents.

"Okay, but seriously, just be careful with this stuff. It's potent."

"I can see that," she tells her brother, even though she doesn't really understand. She takes another big gulp.

Zuko is impressed but he doesn't envy that morning she'll have if she keeps this up.

"So what are you guys talking about?" She asks.

"Actually, it's a good thing you're here, baby sis," Sokka tells her with a sloppy gesture, "we were just trying to figure out what the funniest part of the play was…"

Zuko throws his head back and groans. He doesn't want to continue this conversation. Suki buries her face again in her hands, giggles over taking her.

Katara notices this and wonders if she keeps drinking whether she'll feel that happy.

"Wait, what's that? I think it's your honor!" Suki sloppily quotes the play through snorts and giggles, pointing randomly in one direction. "I'm sorry," she covers her mouth again, "that was just…so…funny!"

Sokka chuckles too, but Zuko just groans. "It's not that funny, guys…"

But their laugher says otherwise.

"Funniest moment of the play, right?"

Katara finally lets a laugh loose as she reaches for the bottle again. "I don't know…"

"Oh, come on," her brother goads her.

She takes another drink and begins to relax, a genuine smile crossing her face.

"It's either that or Lady Aang," Sokka spurts through another laugh.

Katara's brows knit. Not only by how much this troubled her friend but what it caused him to do. Her memory floats back to the scene on the balcony. She hears him again ask her how she feels.

"Aang, I'm sorry, but right now, I'm just a little confused," she'd told him.

And then he'd kissed her. She'd stepped back, shocked.

"I just said I was confused!" she'd admonished him.

"That upset him," she tells her friends, her voice dropping to a more serious tone.

Sokka just laughs it off, but Zuko notices the change.

She takes another long drink and coughs slightly as she passes the bottle to Zuko.

"He'll get over it," Sokka laughs some more. "Yip yip!" he laughs, pointing one hand up and hooking his other at his hip, the way the actress had done in the play. "Oh, spirits….that was good!"

"Hey," Katara says with a frown, "that really bothered him…"

The group shifts a bit uncomfortably, as if acknowledging the problem. Sokka lets out a big sigh and hangs his head and Zuko gives a little nod. They both understand why it bothered Aang.

Suki is oblivious though and continues on.

"Yip yip!" Suki almost chokes on her laughter, "I'm sorry," she says, seeing Katara's reproachful glare, "it was just funny. So funny…"

"Alright," Sokka says, taking one last swig from the bottle before handing it back to Zuko, "let me get this lady to bed."

"What? No, we're having fun," she protests.

"Come on, Suki," Sokka says, trying to sound serious, "let's get you to bed."

"Are you coming with me?"

"Yes," he tells her, helping her stand.

"Are we going to keep having fun?" She gives him a playful wink and pushes her body against him, pressing him with sloppy kisses.

"Suki, come on, my little sister is right there…" Sokka tells her as he leads her out of the room.

"So?" Suki says, giggling.

Zuko and Katara listen to her laugher dissolve down the hall.

"Suki!" Sokka's surprised voice rings out loud, "Can you wait till we…get to the…" His words fade away.

Zuko smiles softly to himself and takes another drink. He knows exactly what's going on.

Katara does too, but she gives no reaction, but she reaches out for the bottle again.

Zuko considers for a moment.

"I'm not a kid," she says sharply.

Zuko straightens, surprised she's said this again. "I know," he tells her, passing the bottle back.

Katara takes another big swig.

"I've never thought of you as one," he tells her, keenly aware this is bothering her on some level.

"Then why wasn't invited to this…" she sloppily points around the room, "whatever this is?"

Zuko lets out another little laugh. He's still holding himself like he's sober, his proper royal posture in place, but he's looser and more relaxed than he normally is. "You weren't purposefully excluded," he tells her. "Sokka just asked me if there was any think to drink once we got here and…"

Katara does knows that Zuko and Sokka had bonded more since coming back from Boiling Rock.

"…I showed him to the liquor stores."

"Do you guys do this every night?"

"No," Zuko says plainly, "Sometimes they're…off together."

Katara just nods at this, understanding. Aang's words flood back to her again.

"I thought we'd be together…"

She unconsciously rubs her lips, wanting to wipe away his unwelcome touch. She shudders, not certain why she's so bothered, and brings the bottle to her lips again to take another sip before handing it back to Zuko. He holds it, not drinking as he carefully watches her.

"So why couldn't you sleep?" he finally asks, trying to find the best way in.

"Hunh?" she's pulled out of her memory.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Zuko repeats as he stretches himself out some, sitting more comfortably.

"Oh, I don't know," she says with a small shrug. But she again shudders and crosses her arms tightly around her chest, like she trying to hold herself together.

"Something bothering you?" he asks, noticing her movements.

"No," she says softly, looking up at him with her big, blue eyes.

Zuko can't pretend like they don't affect him, pull him in ways he wishes they didn't. And right now, he can't deny that he doesn't see sadness shining in them. He wonders if he should just let her be, but he can't stop himself from trying to help. _Maybe it's the alcohol_ , he thinks to himself.

"Was it something in the play? I know parts of it were rough but—"

"No, I'm not upset because of the play—"

"But you are upset then?" He leans forward, setting his elbows on his knees, getting a little closer to her.

A small smile tugs at her lips and she scowls at him, knowing he's gotten the truth out of her. Seeing no way around it, she relents. "Okay, yes, I'm upset." She reaches out for the bottle again.

He gives it to her and asks seriously, "and not about the play?"

"No, not what happened _in_ the play."

The way her voice inflects on the word "in" catches him. He knows it means something but he's not going to make her tell her if she doesn't want to. The sit in silence for a few awkward moments, but, he thinks it might be the alcohol, he can't stop himself from asking when she's sitting across from him looking so sad.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Katara lets out a deep sigh. Her head is beginning to swim, and she realizes why her brother cautioned her about drinking.

"Why isn't this stuff effecting you?" She asks Zuko, almost indignantly.

"It is," he tells her with a soft smile.

"It doesn't look like it."

"Well, I've had more practice."

"How much practice?"

Zuko sighs and lets out a little laugh. "I spent three years on a boat with sailors…"

Katara just stares at him, with her big beautiful blinking eyes. He realizes she might need more explanation.

"…Sailors drink a lot."

"So you like drinking?" she asks, genuinely curious. She's not sure how she feels about it. The initial warm flush that filled her body is beginning to fade and her brain has a slight but sharp ache. She wonders if that means she should drink more or less.

"I don't know if I'd say that," Zuko admits. "But it can be a good way to…" He thinks about the time he's spent with Sokka and Suki over the past few nights, and even back to some of the nights on his boats with the sailors, "…have fun, I guess?" Fun isn't a word he often has occasion to use, but it feels right.

Katara just nods, considering this. She's not sure she can accurately say she's enjoying herself right now. In fact, the more she thinks about it, she thinks she might be sick. She needs to make her mind think of something else.

Her hands again go to her lips, trying to rub away Aang's kiss. What felt like confusion before now feels like anger. _How could he?_ She thinks to herself, but the anger she feels towards him quickly turns in on herself. She knows she has to talk to him about it, and she's worried about how that conversation will go. If he makes her give him an answer now, it'll be no, and how will that affect him? And their plans to stop the Fire Lord? But is it wrong of her to tell him I don't know and make him wait? Especially since she doesn't know if her feelings will change?

Maybe it's the thoughts that are making her sick and not the alcohol. She reaches for the bottle and takes another draught.

Zuko takes it from her and sets it behind him this time. He knows it's not his place to tell her what to do, but he really doesn't think she should have too much more or else she'll be sick.

They sit in silence for several moments, each starting at each other, hoping they aren't being as awkward as they feel.

Zuko considers several different things to say to try and break the silence, try and help her with whatever problem she's currently wrestling with, when Katara suddenly asks him:

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Of all the possibly conversations Zuko was working through, this was not one of them.

"Um, yeah, a few," he says, not sure why. A few is too generous an answer, but he's embarrassed to admit how inexperienced he is, especially after spending so much time with Sokka and Suki recently. He has definitely embellished his experience when they've asked him. Zuko again blames the alcohol, and his heart begins hammering hard, wondering why she's asked him.

He tries to push down his feelings and deny the attraction he feels for her, something he's been struggling to do pretty much since he joined them. He doesn't want her brother to notice. Even though Sokka has proven himself to be an immeasurably reasonable guy, he's still not sure how that conversation would go. And there's also Aang. He knows the young Avatar has strong feelings for her, not able to hide his feelings the way Zuko hopes he is doing. He's seen the way Aang watches her, how he talks about her. He hardly talked about anything other than Katara on their ride to the find the Sun Warriors or when they practice firebending.

Zuko hopes he's never been that obvious.

And he knows Katara clearly has feelings for him too, remembering how she even just now defended him at her brother's and Suki's jokes about the actress playing him. He can see why she'd be upset at the emasculation of her boyfriend.

 _Boyfriend?_ He thinks, pinching his nose as he hides his face in his hand, not sure if that is the right word, if that's what he should be thinking about.

Katara stares at him intently even though the alcohol has made her unfocused. Zuko honestly can't read her right now, and he's not sure what she's getting at.

"So, if your girlfriend didn't want to be with you, you'd want her to tell you right?"

Zuko looks up at her, his mouth slightly agape. He wasn't expecting the question either, and he consciously tries to get a better control of himself.

"I like how you're assuming my girlfriends wouldn't want to date me…" This comes out more harshly than he means it too, but he's been feeling a growing insecurity about it, with all the time he's spent with Sokka and Suki recently, and his belief Katara and Aang are together in some capacity.

Katara giggles blithely, not understanding the insult.

"You know that's not what I mean…"

"What do you mean then?" He tries to get to the point.

"Come on, Zuko, you're a prince—"

"A banished prince—" he says, a scarred prince, he thinks. 

Even though the alcohol's effecting her, Katara senses she's hit a nerve.

"I just mean you're intimidating, you're strong, handsome, and an actual good guy, like really—"

Zuko is surprised to hear Katara say all this. He knows she's being honest even though he's not quite sure he believes her.

Even though he feels some anger growing inside, fed on his own insecurity, he knows, her initial question returns to him. _"You'd want her to tell you, right?"_

Zuko is troubled she's asking him this.

"Katara, what are you trying to ask me?" He looks at her directly as she asks.

Katara blinks and looks away, a tear falling down her face. She wipes it away and returns to him, a big smile on her face. "Where'd that bottle go?" She tries to make her voice sound playful and light. But all Zuko hears is the sadness in it, the struggle.

"What's wrong, Katara?"

Zuko doesn't hand it to her, and he doesn't let her avoid the question again.

Katara lets out a frustrated sigh. _Why can't you be the one who keeps trying to kiss me?_ She thinks to herself, she almost says it out loud.

"Oh my god, please tell me I didn't say that out loud," she says, burying her face in her palms.

Zuko smiles softly at her embarrassment. He thinks it's cute. "You didn't," he reassures her, wanting to know what she's thinking. 

"Thank god," she says, "maybe I need water and not another drink."

Zuko gets up, a bit more wobbly than he anticipated, but he steadies himself by grabbing the back of a chair and gets a cup of water for each of them.

"Oh, I could have bended…" she says as soon as she realizes what he's done. But she smiles up at him, thankful, not certain where exactly the water would go if she tried to control it right now.

She takes a deep drink and then lets out another heavy sigh. Her eyes meet his, still watching her with such concern. She finds herself wishing Aang paid this much attention to her.

 _Then he'd know_ …she thinks to herself, but she knows it's not Aang's job to figure her out. She needs to do that herself and talk to him directly.

"I just need to figure out what I have to do about Aang," she finally tells Zuko, hoping this answers his many questions.

Zuko arches his one eyebrow, again surprised to hear this. "Oh…" He isn't sure if he means for it to be a question.

"…Yeah, he really wants to be in a relationship with me," she feels good to finally admit it, "and I just don't know what to tell him. There's so much more important stuff going on…"

Zuko arches his eyebrow again. Part of him really wants to tell her if she doesn't like it, maybe that's the answer she's looking for, but he doesn't know if that's true, if it'd be acting in his own selfish interest.

Katara knows she doesn't want to hurt Aang's feelings, and she tells herself that means she does care for him. She knows this to be true. But she shudders as she keeps talking.

"…But he keeps kissing me at like the worst moments, and," she takes another deep breath, "I just need to figure it out and talk to him…"

She looks up at Zuko and smiles. This smile is real. _Maybe the alcohol is finally working,_ she thinks, recalling Suki's earlier jubilation. She hopes she isn't being as sloppy as her friend though. She doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of Zuko, who still seems so poised and in control to her.

"Sounds like you do," Zuko tells her, hoping it's the right thing to say.

"Yeah," she says with a deep breath. And then she laughs, "I think I'm drunk, is this what drunk is?"

Zuko smiles back at her and nods. She is definitely drunk, "Yeah, I think so."

Katara suddenly becomes very self-conscious as she feels her eyes on him, and she knows she's going to make a fool of herself if she stays much longer.

"Alright, I need to go to bed then." As she gets up, she nearly falls.

Zuko jumps to her aid and steadies her.

"What happened to my feet?" she says, genuinely confused.

"Come on, I'll help you," he tells her, holding her arm and trying to suppress his laughter; he finds this incredibly adorable.

Zuko holds on to her arm and places his other hand on the small of her back, hoping it steadies her. Even though his fingers itch to touch more of her skin, he doesn't let them wander. As they make their way through the halls of the house, they can hear Sokka and Suki's lovemaking, louder tonight than normal.

"Someone needs to check on Momo," she says, for reasons Zuko doesn't understand.

"I'll check on him, I promise," he tells her, knowing full well that noise has nothing to do with Momo.

She looks up at him, her eyes full of concern as they reach her door. "Promise?"

"Yeah," Zuko chuckles, "I promise."

"Good, because he's having a nightmare…."

Tears nearly spill from Zuko's eyes as he struggles to contain his laughter. He can't remember the last time he found something so funny, but he manages to compose himself, just barely.

"That, or he's having sex!"

And Zuko looses it. For the first time in perhaps his whole life, he can't stop himself from laughing. He puts his fist over his mouth, trying to contain himself.

"Did he find a lady lemur?" Katara asks him, looking around as if she expects to see something. "What?" She finally says, meeting Zuko's eyes, not understanding why he's laughing.

"Nothing," he tells her, reaching around her to open her bedroom door. "We're here."

"Oh, right," she says, realizing they're at her bedroom. "Thanks, Zuko. I had a good time…with you tonight," she adds, as if she needed to clarify.

"Me too," he says seriously, trying to keep his lips from breaking into a huge smile.

Katara turns to go inside but stops herself.

"Hey, Zuko," she says, suddenly sounding more focused and alert than before. "I'm going to ask you something…"

"Okay," he says, again not sure where she's going with this.

"And you can say no, you are totally allowed to do that, just to be clear, but you can't make fun of me for it, okay?"

"Yeah," Zuko says, standing straight and at attention, trying to look serious.

Katara clutches the door frame and looks up at him, her blue eyes sparkling with light and her cheeks flushed red.

"Will you kiss me?"

Zuko thinks he might be imagining this at first, and his heart hammers as he tries to suppress his feelings. His brain is telling him _no, not like this, not after you've both been drinking_ …

Even if it hadn't been for the alcohol, there was no way he could deny her in that moment, her big eyes looking up at him, her soft lips parted, and her hair tucked behind her ear just so.

Zuko doesn't know he's made a decision, but he leans in and kisses her.

Her hot lips meet his and she leans into his body, grabbing his arms as one of his hands finds the small of her back again, and they hold on to each other, their lips locked, hearts hammering fast as blood rushes through their bodies.

"So that's what it's supposed to feel like?" She asks, touching her lips as they come apart. This time, she's trying to hold on to the warmth of it, not wipe it away.

"Um, yeah, I guess so," Zuko says, trying to ignore the alcohol he knows is coursing through him and wishing he had more control in the moment.

"Thanks, Zuko," Katara tells him, her eyes still shining bright.

He just nods and watches her go into her room and softly shut her door, trying to make sense of the moment and wondering how much he'll regret it tomorrow. 

* * *


	2. Deeply My Body Is Stained by Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Katara consider their conflicting feeling after sharing a drunken kiss.

**Deeply My Body Is Stained by Yours**

* * *

And today's lesson in poetry not written by old, dead, white men is from Izumi Shikibu, Japanese noblewoman writing about love around a thousand years ago:

"In this world  
love has no color  
yet how deeply  
my body  
is stained by yours."

_\- Izumi Shikibu_

Oh my, aren't her words lovely? If you like it, I highly recommend _The Ink Dark Moon,_ a wonderful translation of poetry by women from the ancient courts of Japan. Anyway, on to the story!

* * *

When Katara wakes up the next morning, her tongue feels thick and heavy in her mouth—which is desperately dry. She desperately looks around for water. As she moves, she feels like her brain is crashing in her skull and she winces. Thankfully, she finds a glass next to her bed. As she drinks it, memories of the previous nice come rushing back to her. Her fingers fly to her mouth.

 _Did I actually kiss Zuko_? She thinks to herself, half mortified, half excited. She remembers the swirling sensation she felt in her stomach, how much warmth danced across her lips, how her fingers wanted to reach into him for more… She tries to shake these thoughts from her mind, but she feels dizzy, and then like she might be sick, so she decides to tackle one thing at a time.

Katara slowly walks down to the kitchen, where she finds her brother and Suki. Sokka can tell by the look on his sister's face how she's feeling.

"You too?" Sokka says, chuckling, "welcome to the club!"

"What club?" Aang asks as he runs into the room.

"Shhh!" Suki tells him, "not so loud."

"I'm not being loud!" Aang defends. But Suki just lifts up one finger to silence him.

Aang looks at everyone skeptically, not understanding, while Katara looks for Zuko. She's glad he's not in the kitchen because it gives her time to figure out what she wants to say to him.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Aang asks earnestly.

"Why don't you go practice earthbending?" Katara tells him with as much motherly authority as she can muster, just wanting him out of the room.

"But I've been practicing firebending with Zuko all morning!" he cries, "why don't we go play by the beach?"

"Not today, buddy," Sokka says, guiding the young Avatar to the door. "The ladies aren't feeling well…"

"Why?"

"It's…eh…." Sokka scratches his chin as he tries to figure out what to say.

"Ohh…" Aang says, thinking he's figured it out. He leans closer to Sokka. "Lady problems."

Katara overhears this and snaps her head in his direction. For some reason, this comment infuriates her. _Why would he think that?_ She thinks angrily.

Sokka, feeling considerably unwell himself, just says, "Sure," to get Aang out of the way.

Aang nods and hops out of the room, picking up his glider as soon as he reaches the outdoors and zooming off.

 _Yes, go play with Momo…_ Katara thinks to herself as she fills a cup with water. She looks over at Suki, who's almost green, and gets her a glass too.

"No, I can't," she says, pushing the water away.

Sokka takes it and drinks it himself, he spins to face his sister. "So…"

Katara feels the color drain her face and she's certain she's turning either white or red.

"What do you think?" he wiggles his eyebrows as he asks her.

"About what?" she says, leaning back, cautious of where he might be going with this.

"Drinking with the big kids."

"Oh, yeah, big kids," Katara says, unimpressed and emphasizing the word _kids._

"Hey, I, for one, am glad you joined us. It was time."

"Thanks, Sokka," she says, somewhat hollowly.

"I'm going to be sick," Suki suddenly declares, and Sokka grabs a bowl and pushes it to her, resting one of his hands comfortingly on her back.

Katara is glad she doesn't feel as bad as Suki looks and decides to give them some space. They water has helped her, at least physically, now she needs to go somewhere and sort out her thoughts.

"Come on, just try to drink some melon juice," Sokka tells her sweetly.

"No," Suki says. She sounds like she's almost crying. "I can't."

"It'll make you feel better," he encourages.

"No. I…"

Katara walks quickly away as Suki starts to get sick.

As Katara approaches the front door, she hears Aang talking to Zuko.

"I thought you said you were going to get lunch."

"I was!" Aang's voice pipes up. "But they wouldn't let me in the kitchen."

"Who?"

"Suki and Katara…."

"Ohh," Zuko realizes that both are probably incredibly hungover.

"…Suki's throwing up," Aang continues, saying this last part in almost a whisper. "It's lady problems."

"What?" Zuko looks at his young friend incredulously. "That's not how that…never mind. If you're not eating, we're going to keep training. Get into position."

Aang huffs but does as he's told. As Katara walks towards the door, she sees both of them prepare to train. Aang throws off his shirt and stands opposite Zuko, who's also shirtless, and in a starting firebending form.

"Ready?"

"Flameo! Hotman!"

Zuko rolls his eyes and groans. He's also feeling a bit hungover from last night and has less patience for Aang's silliness than usual. He considers telling his pupil off but decides not to.

"Alight, Rising Dawn, go!"

Aang crouches down and rotates both hands so they're centered in front of his chest. He this rises upwards, shooting a blast of fire towards the sky as his arms push above his head.

"Okay," Zuko tells him, "Now watch me."

Zuko repeats the form but his blast is much higher and stronger.

Aang sighs, understanding his performance wasn't satisfactory.

"Watch my muscles," Zuko tells him. Zuko repeats the form again, "See how I'm moving my arms and my stomach and my legs together? It's all one movement. Try it again."

Katara unconsciously touches her lips as she watches Zuko moves; the defined hard lines of his abs hooking her attention.

"Like what you see?" Toph surprises Katara, who jumps when she hears her.

"Gods! Toph, you scared me."

Toph just laughs as she stands next to Katara.

"Zuko and Aang are practicing," Katara offers as an explanation.

"Yeah, I know."

"Can you see them from in here?" Katara asks, genuinely curious.

"Nah," Toph tells her friend, "but your heart only beats like that when you're watching them. And they're shirtless." Toph adds with a snicker as Katara stumbles over her words.

"What? No…"

"Yep," Toph maintains.

"That's…"

"True," Toph says with a smirk.

Katara glares at Toph and makes a sound that's something between a sigh and a snort.

"Come on, let's get a better look, I wanna see what got you so worked up…"

Toph grabs Katara's arm and pulls her outside. Katara tries to pull away and mutters some protest, not ready to face Zuko quite yet, not certain what she feels or what she wants to say to him, but Toph just drags her out.

"Watch this!" Aang calls to them.

They sit on the steps across from where Zuko and Aang are practicing, and Toph plants both her feet firmly on the ground.

"Oh wow!" Toph says. Her face is pointed at Aang but her feet the direction opposite.

"What do you think, Katara?" Aang beams at her.

"Looking good," she says, halfheartedly, she knows how much her encouragement means to him.

"Higher! Higher!" Zuko coaches him, "Come on, Aang, use all your muscles!"

"I am!"

Aang does another blast, weaker than the few before it. Zuko huffs and decided to give him a break.

"Okay, good job, let's call it a day."

Zuko walks over to a trough of water. He cups big handfuls and splashes it over himself, cooling off after a morning of practicing in the sun.

Zuko knows Katara is sitting by Toph, though his back is to them at this moment. Part of him wants to grab his shirt and walk away, afraid to talk to her, afraid she's mad at him, or worse, afraid she'll tell him it was a mistake. But he knows that would be the cowardly thing to do.

He'd been playing the events over and over in his mind all morning, hardly able to sleep because of his conflicting emotions.

"Gods," he'd groaned as the sun started to rise, "why does everything have to be so difficult!?" He cursed himself and started doing pushups, trying to distract himself with physical activity. But it was to little avail. Waves of both guilt and excitement crashed over him.

He felt bad, he knew he shouldn't have kissed while they were drunk, while she was, well, working out whatever it was she was working out in her relationship with Aang. He knew that wasn't the gentlemanly thing to do, what his mother and uncle had taught him about love and romance.

But then he remembered how she looked at him, how she'd asked him to kiss her, how she wet her lips with her tongue. And how he was so excited to do it! He wanted that kiss to go on forever, and part of him really wished it had. No matter how many times he told himself it was the alcohol making him feel that way, he knew it wasn't true.

But then Zuko just felt guilty about feeling excited, because his brain was convinced there was no way she actually liked him. He reminded himself of all the harsh things she's said to him, the constant affection she's shown for Aang. There was no way she was really interested in him. It was just the alcohol, he told himself, again and again.

These thoughts tumbled around his brain all morning. He finally had to get up because they, in some combination to the liquor he'd drunk the night before, were making his head hurt. He'd gone for a run and a swim before anyone else in the house began to stir. Zuko usually liked his alone time in the morning, but today, all he wanted was a distraction, so he eagerly pulled Aang into training when the young Avatar greeted him that morning.

He splashes another cupful of water over his head, shaking his hands through his hair, trying to refresh himself and focus himself, as he steels his nerves to go speak with her.

He's incredibly nervous and hopes to get some sign from Katara about how she feels about what happened last night.

Katara can't stop herself from looking at him, how the water droplets run down the long, lean lines of his muscles. Her eyes trace them all the way down to the top of his pants as her cheeks begin to burn.

She remembers how he looked at her last night, she hears herself say _kiss me…_ and she unconsciously touches her lips.

"Katara," Toph says, nudging her friend.

Katara snaps out of it and looks at Toph the moment before Zuko turns to look at them. "Oh, thanks," she mutters softly to her friend, appreciative to have been spared another moment of embarrassment, as she starts to play with her hair nervously.

Katara tries to keep her eyes on Toph, but she can see Zuko walking towards them. He collects his discarded shirt and puts it on.

"Hey, how's it going?" Zuko asks as he approaches the girls.

Aang tries to wave Zuko away from a talking to Katara, hoping to prevent his friend from getting snapped like he'd been earlier.

"No, Zuko, remember what I told you?" Aang says, trying to be sly, as he motions his friend to stop.

Zuko waved Aang off dismissively.

"Hey," he says again as he stands before them.

"Hi. Hey," Katara and Toph say.

Katara can't stop herself from smiling as she looks up at him, and Zuko hopes he doesn't look like a complete fool as he looks at her. He runs his fingers through his hair, as he tries to make himself speak, but his heart seems to be caught in his throat.

 _Why is this so difficult?_ He thinks to himself, lips starting to twitch at a dozen different words he wants to try, none of them seeming right.

A big smile covers Toph's face as she reads both of them. Part of her is delighted in their agony, but another part of her really wants them to be together. Toph won't admit it, but she has a soft spot for the prince, understanding how hard he struggles with things, how constant his focus on helping and doing what's right is. Her spot for Katara is significantly less soft, but she does sense how deeply conflicted the girl is and how much Aang's affections weigh on her.

Katara watches Zuko, and as she waits for him to speak, excited about what he'll say, hoping he'll ask her to take a walk with him, imagining them making out in the forest, she sees Aang jump around behind him as he wrestles his shirt back on and bats at Momo playfully.

Katara takes a deep breath and knows she has to make her feelings clear to Aang before she can move on with Zuko. She doesn't want to feel guilty about misleading him, or worse, hurt him.

Just as Zuko's about to speak, she gets up and places her hand on his arm.

"I need to go talk to Aang," she says with a sweet smile that he totally misreads. "But I'll find you later, okay?"

Zuko feels his heart fall through his chest. _See, I knew it,_ the thinks to himself. _Why did I ever even let myself think that!_ He buries his face in his hand and walks away, pinching his nose and letting out a frustrated grunt.

"Hey, Aang, want to go for a walk?" Katara calls to him.

Aang drops his glider runs to her, "Sure!"

"Let's go to the beach," she tells him.

. . . . . .

Katara's talk with Aang did not go as she had planned, and she avoids dinner with the group so she doesn't have to see him. Standing on one of the balconies of the beach house, she goes through their conversation as she tries to tear open a piece of fruit she grabbed from kitchen since she'd missed a meal.

Part of her thinks she should have planned her conversation better, maybe talked it over with Sokka and Suki, but the other part of her is just angry he's being so stubborn.

"Look, Aang, I'm trying to be fair to you—"

"How is this being fair to me!?"

"Aang," she said with a deep, weary breath as they walked along the shore in the day's dying light, "You want an answer right now, and I can't give you one, so I think that means the answer is no."

"I'd rather wait than hear no!" He told her, completely missing the point.

"Aang, that's not how it works."

"Katara, I really like you, and I want to be with you—"

"I'm sorry, Aang, I just don't—"

"But how do you know?"

"I don't know, Aang, I just do—"

They begin to talk over each other at this point.

"I'm not saying I don't care about you," Katara tried to make it better.

"You thought you wanted to be with Jet, but that changed…"

"Because I do, I really do, just not in the way…"

"And you also thought you wanted to be with Haru…"

"Hey," Katara's voice got threatening, she did not appreciate his line of thought. Also, she thought she'd been really discrete with Haru. Her eyes narrow on Aang who continues on, completely unaware he's upsetting her. "That's not the same thing," she told him, her tone trying to end the conversation.

"All I'm saying, Katara, is sometimes feelings change, right? I can be more patient if that's what you need."

"That's not what I need, Aang." She let out a heavy sigh and buried her face in her hands.

Aang looked up at her, blinking his big gray eyes, and she'd thought she'd gotten through to him.

"It's okay, Katara. Take all the time you need, Katara," he told her, touching her arm softly, rubbing his thumb across her skin. "We can figure it out. Together," he assured her with a tender look.

She pulled away, jerking her arm from his hand, but he just stared at her with his big, gray eyes and bowed slightly before walking away.

Katara thought about screaming after him, but instead, she'd kicked the sand, frustrated, and whipped up some water with her bending, throwing it as high and far out to the sea as she could.

When the sun finally set, she walked back to the beach house, avoiding the lively conversation emanating from the dining area and tucked herself away hoping to avoid Aang.

Katara is still there, on the balcony, wrestling with her feelings and the piece of fruit she'd snatched from the kitchen, when Zuko finds her.

. . . . . .

Zuko's afternoon held as many ups and downs as his morning did. So quick to believe that Katara's decision to go talk to Aang was a rejection, he sulked away, and let the thoughts flow through him again and again: _she'd never want to be with me, there was never even a chance._

Zuko found a quiet spot in the forest and practiced with his dual blades, repeating strikes and holds until he got them perfect. He then pulled out his knife and practiced throwing in, something Mai had started teaching him before she broke up with him. _Or was it the time he broke up with her?_ He didn't remember.

As he flung the blade into a tree, trying his hardest to hit the same spot again and again, trying to force himself to focus. Ahen he wrenched it out from deep in the bark of the tree, he caught a glimpse of the inscription.

_Never give up without a fight._

Zuko knew in that moment exactly what he had to do. He liked Katara, he knew that for certain, and the feeling of her kiss hadn't left his lips all day. He didn't know what she was feeling, or even what she was thinking, but she had asked him to kiss her, she had wanted to know what a proper kiss felt like.

He wasn't sure if the kiss he'd given her the night before counted—with the alcohol, the nerves—but if a proper kiss was what she wanted, it's what he is going to give her. She can do with it what she wants.

After meditating and taking a cold shower, Zuko went to look for Katara as moon climbed high in the sky, and finds her, leaning over the railing of one of the houses many balconies, trying to tear into a dragon fruit with her nails.

"Gods, what is wrong with this thing?" She says, her frustrating mounting, as she digs her fingers into the fruit's thick, pink skin.

"Hey, Katara," Zuko says as he walks up to her.

She startles, just slightly, but turns to him and smiles. She holds up the dragon fruit, covered in scratches from her nails but still unopened, and shrugs, as if offering some explanation.

"How are you supposed to eat this thing?" she asks him.

Zuko smiles softly at her and walks up to her. He pulls the fruit from her hands, letting his fingers slide against hers as he does. "You can't peel it, you need a knife."

He pulls out his blade and slices the fruit in half. He then cuts one piece into two and hands it back to her. Some of its red juices trickle out from the sliced skin and on to her hands.

She's surprised to see its white, speckled flesh beneath the lush pink of its outer shell. Katara peels back a bit of the rind and pulls the soft, inner fruit into her mouth, hungry from skipping dinner.

"You know this is the dragon fruit, it's the national fruit of the Fire Nation…" Zuko tells her.

Katara quickly chews and swallows, licking the ruby-colored juice from her fingers. "I did not know that," she says, looking up into his eyes.

"Yeah," he says with a deep breath, his voice is husky and cool. "Because, you know, dragons…"

"It's good," she says, her eyes still on his, sparkling again with the night's bright light.

Zuko slices the other half in two for her and hands her the pieces.

"Thanks," she says, eating these last cuts more slowly. She feels his eyes on her and wants to make sure she's not eating too greedily or sloppily. She turns away from him as she chews, nervous.

Zuko sees the moonlight shimmer across the inscription on his blade as be wipes it clean and sheaths it at his waist. He takes a deep breath and finds courage.

Katara swallows the last bite and wipes her lips with the back of her hand. She feels some of the juices still sticky on her fingers but realizes she probably shouldn't lick them in front of a prince. She tries to wipe them on her skirts, growing more self-conscious.

"Sorry, I was just hungry, I didn't want to go to dinner because of Aang…"

Zuko doesn't think he wants to hear Aang's name or what Katara has to say about him.

"Katara," he says, taking a step closer to her, sliding one hand to the small of her back, pushing her body close to his. He cups her face gently with one hand, letting his thumb softly run across her cheek before he presses his lips to hers and kisses her fully.

Her lips are hot and her mouth sweet from the dragon fruit. Zuko makes sure his kiss is urgent, strong and attentive, his hand sliding to the back of her head and holding her as his lips work over hers, into her.

He leans his forehead against hers as he pulls away and says in little more than a whisper, "just so you know, that's what it's supposed to feel like."

Then, he quickly turns and begins to walk away, not able to face what he's certain will follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another little line of poetry from Iziumi Shikibu:
> 
> "This heart, longing for you, breaks into a thousand pieces—I wouldn't lose one."
> 
> A/N: So, what do we think guys? I know, smut still isn't here, but it's coming! I promise. Things will be ratcheting up next chapter. I'm wondering if my attempts at humor are working or falling flat – I have very mixed feelings about it. I didn't try and force it, it just kind of came to me, but I'm not sure it's working. Maybe I'll let Sokka stick to all the jokes in future chapters? Also, does the time jump work? Or is it confusing? Since I'm mostly writing in present, I hope I didn't trip anybody up by flashing back a bit to earlier memories. Am I being too uncharitable to Aang? Anyone have a problem with that?
> 
> Also, full disclosure: I don't know if you can peel a dragon fruit or what color its juices are. Artistic license there, but I'll take any other constructive criticism, if anyone wants to offer.
> 
> And I guess it's my little bit of head canon that Katara at least flirted a bit with Haru. They kind of alluded to this in the show, and another one of those tropes I want to break is the virginial girl who only ever wants one guy, so I really like the idea of Katara exploring her interest in more than one guy, because that is nothing to be ashamed of!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	3. In Secret, Between the Shadow and the Soul

**In Secret, Between the Shadow and the Soul**

* * *

Alternative title for this chapter: Please forgive your author's ignorance when it comes to dragon fruits. I'm retroactively making the inside of that fruit your perfect shade of pink. Its juices will run everywhere.

Thank you so much to those of you who've commented, and for teaching me more about dragon fruits! It always makes my day to read them and motivates me to write more! 😊

* * *

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

_Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII_

* * *

"Wait!" Katara calls after Zuko, her voice sparkling as the feelings from his kiss rush through her and flutter to different parts of her body. She feels giddy, maybe even dizzy, and surprisingly cold in the places he'd just touched her, like he somehow took something away from her when he left.

She wants it back.

She grabs his hand and pulls him roughly back to her, looking up to him, her big, blue eyes not only open, but inviting. She steps up, rising on her toes and laces her fingers around his face.

"You're going to kiss me like that and walk away?"

Zuko tries to speak, his lips fumble with an excuse, an apology. But that's not what Katara wants from him.

She pulls his face down to hers, pressing her lips to his as they fall into each other, teeth knocking, hands hitting, tongues wondering what they should do. It's awkward for a few moments, but they figure out what they want from the other and how to work together as they stumble backwards. Katara knocks against the balcony railing. She tries to pull herself up on it but can't.

"Help me," she tells him, tugging at his arms.

"Of course," Zuko nods though his kisses, grabbing her at the waist and easily lifting her to sit on the railing's edge

She throws her arms around his neck, parting her legs slightly to bring him even closer.

"Hold me," she says. Her hot breath hits his ear and sends shivers throughout his whole body.

He grunts something affirmative through his heavy kisses and breaths as he hooks one of his arms around her back, and she lets one of her legs loops around him.

"Now don't let me fall," she says, half laughing.

But Zuko is serious. She feels his muscles flexing their strength, keeping her secure, and he responds to her like he's saying the most important words in his life, "I would never." He pulls back and looks up at her. Sitting on top of the railing, she's now inches taller than him. His eyes asking her to trust him, promising he's sincere, hoping he's worthy.

Katara smiles. She runs her hands down the sides of his face and on to his shoulders. There, she playfully tugs at the collar of his shirt.

"Why were you walking away from me?" She asks him, locking her eyes with his.

Zuko lets out a deep sigh, something straight from his core, and leans into her. She folds him into a hug, pressing his face into her chest and kissing him on the top of his head. She then runs her fingers through his hair, and using it, steers his face away so she can meet his eyes again and demand an answer.

"I don't know," he admits, drawing her into another tight hug. He rests his head on her chest again and listens to the strong beat of her heart.

She holds him for several moments, at times squeezing his hips with her legs. She elicits a deep, guttural sound from him as she does this, but not the answer she's looking for.

"Why were you trying to leave?" she asks again, shaking him slightly this time, playfully, hoping it will rattle an answer out of him.

He thinks, _I was afraid,_ but he can't make himself say it.

"I didn't want you to leave," she tells him with another teasing squeeze and shake.

"I'm sorry," Zuko tells her, looking up to meet her eyes.

"Don't be sorry," she tells him as she leans in to nuzzle him. "I don't want you to be sorry."

"What do you want me to be?" he asks sincerely. He pulls her hand to his lips and kisses it as he leans his head again against her chest again.

Katara laughs, her voice as soft as tinkling water that plays with light. She realizes she doesn't have a good answer for this either. "What do you want to be?" She asks him, wanting him to feel whole and happy, wanting to help him get there.

Zuko only considers his response for a moment. He knows words like _boyfriend, lover, partner_ are not the right words for them right now. That's not what she's asking, anyway.

"Yours," he says in his deep, husky voice. It almost sounds hungry.

A smile breaks across Katara's lips. It's not the answer she expected, but she'll take it.

"Mine," she says, thinking it over.

Zuko looks up at her, trying to keep his face from betraying his nerves, hoping his answer wasn't too presumptuous, desperate, or corny.

"I think I like it," she tells him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says, leaning down and pressing her forehead to his. She can sense all the tension in his body, wanting to help it go away. Her lips gently reach his, and she pulls them into a long and lingering kiss.

Zuko begins to melt into her, his muscles soften as he pulls her into another tight hug as they continue to make out.

Part of Katara could continue this forever. It feels so good to be held by his strong arms, feeling them

"Zuko," she finally says as she pulls away from a final peck on his lips, "this feels really good," she tells him, and a noise comes out of him as he nods an approval. "But," she tells him, holding his face in her hands and pulling it away from hers, just slightly.

Both the word and the action catch the thinking part of Zuko's brain.

"I'm really really hungry," she says, biting her lip, a bit embarrassed. "All I've eaten today is that difficult fruit…"

Zuko chuckles, the light little rattle of a laugh he only rarely ever lets himself release. "Dragon fruit," he says as he comes down from his euphoria.

"Yeah…"

Zuko untangles his body from hers and takes a step back. He keeps one hand still steady on her back as she sits on the railing, and the other trails down her arm, strongly grasping her hand.

"Then, lets go get you some food," he tells her plainly as he guides her down.

"Is that okay?"

He chuckles again, louder this time. "Of course it's okay."

Their hands stay locked together, they begin to walk towards the kitchen.

"I just didn't get to eat any breakfast," Katara says, feeling the need to explain the situation.

"Because you were hungover."

She sighs, not wanting to admit it. "Yeah…" she says begrudgingly.

"Yeah," Zuko says with more certainty.

Katara rolls her eyes and leans her head against his shoulder as they keep walking. Zuko squeezes her hand. It's both playful and reassuring.

When they get to the kitchen, Zuko leads her to a chair and lets her sit down before pulling his hand from hers. Katara is about to ask what he's doing, but without a word, Zuko bends fire to the stove and stokes a little flame as he grabs a pot, fills with water, and begins preparing.

"I didn't know you could cook," she tells him with an arched eyebrow.

"I don't know if I can either," Zuko turns and smiles at her.

Katara buries her face in one of her hands, elbow propped up on the table, hiding the big smile that's on her face. Part of her is embarrassed but another is unabashedly enjoying herself. It's nice that Zuko is cooking for her, and she tries not to think too much more about what it could mean.

Zuko is glad to see it. He slices up a green onion and a few other bits of vegetables he finds he pours some rice into the pot. Keeping the fire strong, his little meal cooks quickly, and when the rice seems soft enough, he scoops it out and breaks an egg onto it, hoping it turns out to be something like fried rice.

"Thanks," Katara tells him, as he pushes the steaming bowl in front of her and hands her chopsticks.

She has to blow on it for a few moments, her stomach beginning to rumble as the aroma reaches her nose. When the steam fades, she takes the chopsticks and brings a bite to her mouth.

"It's good," she tells him. Zuko arches his one eyebrow, not sure if she's sincere. "It is!" she says, grabbing another bite with the chopsticks and offering it to him.

Zuko leans in and softly takes the food from her. It's far blander than he normally prefers his food, but he realizes Katara might like things with little or no spice, considering she's from the South Pole, and he decides to believe her.

He nods as he swallows.

"I'm going to have to put you on a cooking rotation," she says as she keeps eating.

"That's fine." He'd do anything she asked him to.

She studies him as she finishes, not quite sure she's figured him out yet, what it means when he so often switches back to his more reserved and serious manner.

And here she is just smiling, stuffing her face. Her smile flickers as she thinks, not sure what she should do. Katara pulls her eyes from his and glances around the room, part of her wants to ask if there's anymore booze, remember how freeing it felt, at first, to drink the harsh liquid. But another part of her don't want to lose herself in this moment. She wants all of herself to be here, be present, be whole.

Zuko can see her mind wandering, getting father away from him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks her, trying to force his own feeling down as he does. He's nearly certain it has something to do with Aang. Zuko's not really sure he wants to hear about him, but he feels like asking is the right thing to do.

Katara lets out a long, slow sigh. She's not aware she's doing it and Zuko chuckles softly.

She thinks back to her conversation with Aang. How'd he dodged her rejection again and again, telling her he'd wait, be patient, give her time. She felt this knot of tension wound up inside of her, not sure how she was ever going to get through to him and make the Avatar accept and understand.

"No," she says, simply, almost sweetly, as s smile rises on her face. Katara realizes she told Aang she didn't want to be with him. Whether or not he accepts that is up to him. She might be being selfish, being stupid, making a terrible mistake. But looking at Zuko, she can't stop her eyes from taking him in, can't stop herself from wanting to. And considering the danger they face, the obstacle ahead of them, she doesn't want to waste any of her time until the comet gets here.

"No, I don't think I do," she tells him. And Zuko returns her smile, and they sit together, for a few moments.

"You want more?" he asks, looking at her empty bowl.

"Yes," Katara says, but it's not more food she's interested in. "Come here," she tells him.

Zuko look at her a bit uncertainly but complies. He gets out of his chair and stands before her.

The way she looks up at him makes his insides melt. She might be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She licks her lips as she stares up at him, and Zuko consciously has to make sure his legs don't give out on him.

Katara takes one of his hands softly into her and pulls him even closer. He can feel her hot breath through his shirt, and the sensation races across his skin, sparks of pleasure bursting everywhere.

He quickly has to pull himself away, afraid she'll feel his erection, not sure what to do about it, what she'll think.

Katara laughs as she sees the desperate look on Zuko's face, trying to hard to control himself and act properly.

"Come on," she tells him again, her voice hot and heavy.

Zuko tries to respond, but only a gargled murmur escapes his lips.

Katara laughs lightly as she gets up, letting her body slide very close to his as she does. Every inch of space between them starts sizzling, and Zuko more than once has to make sure he's not bending fire as Katara leads him to her room.

Part of his brain is trying to figure out how to tells her good night, sleep well, sweet dreams. But all the words get tangled and caught in his throat, and when Katara stops at her door and turns to look at him, they both know the night isn't over yet.

"Zuko," she says, looking up into his eyes again, hooking him to her.

She could have asked him anything at that point, and he'd have done it. He'd be lying if he said the idea of her hadn't been working inside of him, unlocking things in him he didn't know existed, things he didn't know he had or even wanted.

She'd been at work in him since the caves of Ba Sing Se, or since the pirates, probably, even since the first time they met. This strong, powerful, incredible woman, standing in front of him now.

"Yeah," he says, his voice soft and husky.

Katara reaches behind her and opens her door. "Yeah?" She takes a step inside.

Zuko nods, taking a dry gulp and trying to smile. "Yeah," he says, following her inside.

As soon as the door shuts, they're all over each other, no reason to hide or hold back. Zuko cups Katara's face tenderly in his hands and kisses her, his lips hot, heavy and hungry. Her fingers roam his sides, his back, looking for the strong, hard lines of his muscles as his thumb strokes her cheek, nearly tickles her ear.

Katara loves the sensation, like her body's become electric. Every place he touches her comes wild and alive, like a thousand tiny sparks or a tremendous crashing wave. She doesn't know if it's fire or water within her, but whatever it is, it's churning, yearning, wanting more.


	4. I Want to Do with You What Spring

**I Want to Do with You What Spring**

* * *

"I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."

_Pablo Neruda, Every Day You Play_

* * *

Honestly, this chapter should have been connected to the previous, which is why I'm using another Neruda poem to join the two. But life is getting crazy and picking up for me, so I'm very sorry to report, but I don't think I'll be able to post as quickly or regularly.

Does anybody have any strong preference for how sexually experienced Zuko is? I'm very torn, so I'd love to hear what you guys think would be accurate for a young man like him. As always, thanks for reading (and leaving your little writer friend a review, if you're so inclined. I'm especially interested in what details or sentences work for people. :)

* * *

"No, do that," Katara tells him, almost panting, "Keep…doing…that."

Zuko slides his lips from Katara's earlobe to her chin and chuckles as she redirects him back to her ear. He sucks it ever so slightly, and he can tell by the way her hands stop and shudder that it's driving her wild.

They've made it to her bed and are sitting next to each other, their limbs awkwardly intertwined, neither sure what to do with their legs or hands as they make out.

Zuko finally brings his hands to Katara's face and pulls it away from his after one especially long and lingering kiss.

"Katara," he breaths, "we should, uh, we should…"

It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts into words, to focus through the heady haze filling his mind.

"Katara," he says again. She leans in and kisses him sweetly, playfully, on the lips, sucking the lower one just slightly.

He laughs.

"We need to decide, um, how far do we want this to go?"

Katara pulls away a bit more, sitting up straight. She lets her hands slide down from his face to his shoulders, and she pulls at the top of his shirt some, considering the implications of his question.

Her eyes are focused on his collar bone, and she sucks her lips as she thinks. She raises her eyes slowly up to his.

"Waist and above?"

Zuko is a bit surprised this is her answer. He's not sure how much experience she has. But he doesn't want to think about that now, what she's done with other guys, and his attention is redirected to Katara as she gets up and begins pulling on his shirt.

Zuko laughs and helps her pull it off of him.

Katara can't deny how attractive she finds Zuko, and her eyes trace the lines of his muscles all the way down to the top of his pants. They get lost in the crook of his hip bones, and she blushes, feeling hot and woozy—it's not so much a thought as it is a feeling of what's below them.

It overwhelms her.

Katara makes her eyes look back up at his, but they dart away a bit nervously. She takes a deep breath and steps back, bringing her hands behind her as she begins to untie her top.

"Sorry," she tells Zuko after a minute as her fingers fumble with the knot.

"Hey, you don't have to do this if you're not ready," he says, sensing her unease.

"No, it's okay," she tells him, growing frustrated. She's wanted to take his shirt off, she knows it's only fair. But her fingers are full of nerves, and she can't work out her knot.

"Hey," Zuko says, his voice comforting and accepting. He gets up and stands next to her, trying to catch her eyes. "Just tell me what you want."

Katara groans, dropping her hands to her sides and looking up at Zuko. She throws herself in his arms, and he just holds her, tightly.

She savors his strong arms, the security, stability they offer. She doesn't know why this feels so good, but it does. It really does. She takes a few minutes and tries to draw in some of that strength as she feels his warmth press into her.

"Okay," Katara finally says, pulling herself out of his arms. She looks up at his eyes, his beautiful, golden eyes, and smiles.

But now that she's out of his arms, her nerves takeover as she twists her hands behind her.

"Katara," Zuko begins, reaching out to hold her again.

"I just can't," she grumbles as she struggles with it.

"You don't have to, if you don't want to," Zuko tells her, his eyes serious as he suspects something else is going on her. He thinks she'd ask him to help if she really wanted it off.

"I don't want you to leave," she tells him, looking up, her big blue eyes shimmering with the dim night's light and, maybe, something more.

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells her, a tiny laugh in his voice. He folds her back into a tight hug and Katara melts into it. "I can stay here, tonight, it you want."

She nods fervently into his chest.

"Okay," Zuko tells her, and he takes her over to the bed. Zuko sits down and pulls Katara next to him. He brushes his hand lightly over her arm as she leans into him, savoring his touch as she rests her head on his shoulder.

As he strokes her skin, Zuko tries to gauge her change in behavior, wondering if should ask her something, if this has anything to do with Aang.

"I like you," Katara tells him, reaching up for another kiss, pressing her lips to his.

"I like you too," Zuko tells her, folding her back into his arms as they both lie down together.

Katara nuzzles into him, and then brings herself back up for another kiss. They make out for several long moments. As they kiss, she guides his hand to the exposed skin on her stomach and side, exposed because of the cropped style of her Fire Nation's clothing halter top.

The feeling sends Zuko's stomach fluttering, but he doesn't let his hands roam any farther than where she puts them.

"Kissing is good right now, right?" She asks him.

"Kissing is very good," Zuko tells her, pulling his face away a little to look at her.

She tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles at him, darting her eyes away after a moment, feeling a little silly. She then shifts positions slightly and lays herself on top of him, finding comfort in the crook of his shoulder, she turns on her side a bit and presses into him.

Zuko strokes her arm as he holds her.

"Have you done this before?" She asks a few minutes later.

"Cuddle?" Zuko asks. He feels her nod into his shoulder. "Yeah," he admits. "You?"

"No." Her voice is small as she says it.

"You like it?"

Katara pushes herself up and climbs partly on top of Zuko. She takes his hands in his face and leans down for another long kiss. It starts off soft but ends playful.

"Yes," she finally says, "maybe even more than kissing." And she slides back down on to her side, pressing herself against Zuko's chest again, resting her head on his shoulder.

She can feel a small laugh rattle in Zuko's chest.

"I have kissed someone before," she tells him.

"Aang," His voice is flat as he says it. Zuko hasn't had the time, or the desire, really, to think much about Aang, or how he feels about his crush for Katara. Zuko isn't really sure if he wants to, he's not sure what Katara wants from him, what his place will be. His thoughts are stopped by Katara's laughter.

She hadn't even considered Aang when she thought about kissing. Part of her feels a little bad for the guy, realizing just how unromantically she truly feels about him.

"I hadn't even thought of Aang," she admits.

Zuko suddenly thinks back to the play they saw, just the other night. The scene with Katara and Jet.

"Jet?"

"Does that bother you?" she asks him.

"No," Zuko admits plainly. He's kissed other girls, he knows it wouldn't be fair of him to hold Katara to a different standard.

Katara snuggles closer to Zuko, and he feels her muscles tense as she presses into him. He wonders if she's upset, remembering how Jet died in the play. He wonders if there's a deeper story here, if he should ask, when she says:

"When he kissed me, he kept trying to touch me. I had to tell him to stop."

Zuko tuns slightly to his side to look at her. His eyes grow serious, almost alarmed.

"I wish I didn't have to," she tells him as she lays her head back on him.

Zuko presses a gentle kiss into her forehead. "I wish you didn't have to either," he tells her.

He doesn't like it, but he can't say he's surprised. After all that time he spent on the boat with the sailors, he knows what some men are capable of. He hopes profoundly that Katara doesn't.

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading! Do I have any requests for what people want to see happen here? Like a slow slow slow burn? Or just jump forward to all the good stuff? Lots of fooling around? Or sex now please? Focus only on Katara and Zuko? Or include more scenes with the rest of the Gaang?

Also, my little feminism discourse here: I hadn't planned on including any thing too dark or negative in this story for Katara, but this scene just kind of unfolded. I like juxtaposing the idea that Zuko senses she's uncomfortable and asks her if she wants to stop with another guy needing to be told he's going to far…because, honestly, as much as I wish young men knew these things, they often don't, and, as a feminist myself, I do think we need to teach young women that they have to speak up about what they want, what they're comfortable with, etc. We can't expect guys to know – especially when they are horny and young. So yeah, I have slightly mixed feelings about this chapter, but I hope it's working for you all.

And, if I have any fellow poetry lovers out there, I'm going to start needing some recommendations soon. Please send any poems you adore my way!


	5. As Moon Fires Set in My Throat

**As Moon Fires Set in My Throat**

* * *

"Touching you I catch midnight  
as moon fires set in my throat  
I love you flesh into blossom  
I made you  
and take you made  
into me."

_\- Audre Lorde, Recreation_

* * *

A/N: Audre Lorde is a self-described "black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet," and yeah, you should go read more of her stuff.

* * *

Zuko sits on Katara's bed, watching her in what he considers to be an incredibly attractive Fire Nation outfit. Katara and Suki had gone into the market the day before, and when Zuko told them they didn't need to worry about money, that he had plenty, they came back with new clothes for everyone.

The skirt she's wearing goes down to the floor, and while it has a few layers to it, long slits run up the sides, revealing the smooth, dark skin of her legs when she walks. The top of the skirt dips down, just slightly, but also dangerously, in the front. Zuko has to stop himself from staring there when they're around others, especially her brother.

Now, alone together in her room, Katara is smiling, both sweetly and sheepishly, as she trails her fingers over the edges of her top.

"You know, you don't have to…" Zuko begins.

"I know," she says with more of an edge in her voice than she realizes. Zuko has told her she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want so many times that she almost thinks he doesn't want to do things. "Can I not be both ready and nervous at the same time?"

"I suppose so," Zuko concedes. He can't stop the big, stupid grin from forming on his face.

"I am ready," she says, as she sides her hands behind her. "I'm just nervous you won't like them."

Zuko has to stop himself from laughing. _The things girls worry about sometimes_ , he thinks. "I'll like them, I promise."

"You don't know that," she says, self-conscious. Her breasts are larger than some girls, especially Fire Nation girls who tend to be lean and tall. But they're also smaller than many. She knows other Water Tribe women are far curvier than she. And she's always been self-conscious about her nipples.

"Yes I do," he assures her. His voice is steady and strong.

Katara's cheeks flush. She lifts her gaze to meet Zuko's. He wants to stare down at her cleavage, down at the curve of her hips, that dip on the top of her skirt, but he doesn't. He just looks at her, his eyes locked on hers, glowing,

"How do you know that?" she asks, as she begins loosening the knot on her back.

Zuko still holds her stare, even though it's getting harder. "Because all boobs are amazing. All of them, without exception."

"You've seen a lot then?" she asks, her nerves returning to her as she undoes the ribbon of cloth.

"I wouldn't say that," Zuko concedes. He wants to run over to her and grab her, kiss her, touch her so badly, he's afraid might not be able to contain himself, but he does. His voice remains even, focused, and calm.

"How many?"

Zuko groans. _Does Katara know how terribly she's teasing him,_ he wonders, and she slowly unties her top. Zuko tries to keep his eyes on her face still, his voice even, but it's becoming more of a struggle. "Katara…"

She laughs, seeing how badly she is torturing him. "How many?" she repeats, her voice sound much more powerful than she feels.

She has no idea the effect she's having on him. If she used that tone again, he'd do anything, everything, she asked of him.

"Seen?" the word catches in Zuko's throat. "Ummm…" he tries to think, "the men, the men on my boat, sometimes when we went to port, they'd ummm…"

Katara laughs lightly, she sees the distress he's in. The ties to her top fall to her sides, but it's still wrapped around her a few times.

Zuko can't seem to find the words.

"Too many to count?" She teases as she unwraps one loop.

"No," Zuko says, gulping, trying to think. But all he can think about right now is Katara, how the fabric of her shirt is starting to loosen, as she untwists another loop from under the bust.

The ties of Katara's top are now completely undone, and the only thing keeping it on is her hand, holding the two sides together right between her breasts.

Zuko could explode with anticipation.

"….they'd sometimes bring women back, back to the ship," Zuko explains, using almost all of his concentration.

"And you saw them?" Katara asks, genuinely curious. She's holding each side of her top tightly, so it's still wrapped over each of her breasts.

"Sometimes, yes…when I had to ask them to leave, so we could go back out..."

Katara loosens her hold, slightly, and her top falls off of her shoulders.

Zuko moves forward involuntarily and melts.

"But you've seen other ones too, right?"

"Yes," Zuko admits, but all he's thinking about right now are hers, and he can't stop himself from starting at the top of her cleavage.

"Okay," she says simply, dropping her hands to her sides, letting her top fall off of her. It slinks its way to the floor, a little pool of red fabric, and Katara stands here, holding her arms out, slightly, to the side, fighting the instinct to cover herself, letting Zuko take her in. And he does.

Zuko rises slowly of the bed and walks over to her. His eyes holding all of her, utterly honored, amazed.

Katara tucks one foot behind the other, swaying slightly, both nervous and excited. She's not scared at all, but she might call the feeling vulnerable, if she thought about it, the urge to protect herself so strong.

Zuko walks up to her, until they're so close they can feel the heat from each other's bodies. Her eyes look up to meet his.

"So…this is me."

"You're perfect," he tells her, and he means it.

She scoffs, but also smiles and she reaches for his face.

Zuko softly places one hand on the curve of her hip, his fingers slide up, over her ribs, and she feels ripples of heat radiate across her skin. Flashes of longing build and snap like lightning as he slowly cups her breast, massaging it gently. He flicks his thumb across her nipple and it's like a match striking, a fire races across her entire body.

Katara presses herself into Zuko's body, clinging to him, reaching up for a kiss. She feels her knees weaken as the sensations race through her, burning her body and blinding her mind.

Zuko swoops her up in his arms and spins her around. Katara lets out a peal of laughter, a gasp, from the rush of excitement, pleasure, maybe even silliness.

Zuko carries her, one hand under her knees and the other firmly across her back, over to her bed, where he lays her down softly. He lies next to her, gathering the long material of her skits and pushing it to the side. He places his hand on her stomach, and a warm feeling rushes through her, to him.

"You are so beautiful," he tells her, and she blushes, turning her face to the side and burying it in her hand.

Zuko gently brings his hand to her, pulling her out from hiding.

"I mean it," he says seriously, hoping she believes him.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." He leans in to kiss her, and she loves the feeling of warmth as his lips press against her, the weight of his body as he climbs onto her.

Zuko tucks her hair behind her ears and trails kisses across her jaw, down to her neck.

"Tell me what you like," he whispers as he presses hot kisses on her body.

"You." She says, not thinking.

Zuko presses his face into her chest, trying not to laugh. His hair tickles her skin. "Can you be more specific?"

"Oh, um, this?" she says uncertainly.

She can feel the laughter rattle in his chest, and she tugs on his hair playfully. "I've never done this before," her voice carries the hint of a pout.

"Fair enough," Zuko tells her, looking up and catching her eyes for a brief moment, he then returns his attention to her body. His lips moved down her chest and onto her breast, and as he begins to suck on one nipple, tugging it softly with his teeth, a soft moan escapes her, and he thinks he's beginning to discover what she likes.

"Ohhh," she gasps deeply.

Zuko smiles and continues his work, and it's not long before he has to shift himself carefully, trying not to press his growing erection into her as he continues his work on her body.

He lets wet kisses drip down her stomach, and, holding himself up strongly with one arm, the other slides softly across her skin, strumming her ribs and rubbing her breasts.

"Oh, gods, Katara," he moans as his lips return to her breasts, and he savors each one, taking it slightly into his mouth, stroking her nipples, and tugging softly.

When she moans he tugs some more, and presses his face to her, nuzzling gently.

Katara's breath catches in her throat, and she rises up to him, wanting to press her body into her.

"Careful," Zuko says, adjusting himself again, trying to make himself comfortable as he grows harder.

It takes Katara a moment to realize what he means, but she does, even though she doesn't know how.

She considers asking him if he wants her to touch him there, give him some of this pleasure back. But his lips have already found hers, and something is swelling inside her, warm and rising, taking over her body and dizzying her mind.

She doesn't get to ask him her question. She's enjoying herself too much.


	6. Like the Stars My Buried Feelings Break Free

**Like the Stars My Buried Feelings Break Free**

* * *

"Oh how like the stars my buried feelings break free,  
as if a bouquet of wildflowers  
had come untied."

_Lifting My Eyes, Rainer Maria Rilke_

* * *

A/N: Letters to a Young Poet is exquisite to any aspiring writers/artists out there. Also, thank you ever so much to everyone leaving reviews! It means a lot to me and I greatly appreciate them 😊

Also, I've created a colloquial term "the pink room" and will use it in this chapter, so just a heads up. A woman's vagina is referred to as "the pink room" and in my world, a slang term for sex is "visiting" or "entering" the pink room. It's an idea I actually made up for my other story, _Slow Burn_ , so you'll see it there too should I ever get around to finishing that one.

* * *

Zuko tries not to stare at Katara too intently as the kitchen's fires send glowing lights and shadows swimming across her body. The beautiful dance of the light and dark nearly transfixes him, and he has to keep reminding himself that her brother is sitting next to him and tries to keep his focus on the ground.

"You want more?" Katara asks him, her voice a little too playful for his comfort.

Zuko looks up. She's leaning forward, her arms out stretched, her cleavage spilling over the her top.

He shakes his head and makes himself not look at it. He knows he shouldn't drink too much more, worried he won't be able to control himself, but he grabs the bottle from her hand and takes a small sip.

"Thanks," he says, in his flat, husky voice. He wipes the harsh liquid from his lips and hands it back to Sokka.

Zuko studies Sokka's face as he hands him the bottle, looking for any sign her brother knows what Zuko and Katara have been up to.

But Sokka either doesn't know or doesn't care. "Man, this is good stuff," he says, burping, and he gives the bottle to Suki.

"Strong too," Zuko warns them, his eyes landing on Katara as she takes the bottle from Suki.

"Yeah," Sokka says, adjusting himself in his seat slightly, trying to sound brotherly, leaderly, as he considers his girlfriend and sister. "Remember how sick you got last time?"

Suki scoffs, crossing her arms, but nods, and reaches behind her for a pitcher of water and pours herself a glass.

Katara however tilts the bottle to her lips and takes a big drink, almost defiantly. As Zuko watches her, she just laughs.

"Want more?" she says again, this time, her voice a heavy tease.

Zuko's eyes dart to Sokka and Suki, seeing if they pick up on her obvious innuendo. If they do, neither gives notice.

"I'm okay," he tells her, so she brings the bottle back to her lips and gulps again. "Katara…" he says, concerned. He's beginning to wonder if something is bothering her, and tries to make a mental list of what's happened recently.

"What?" She holds his gaze. He's not sure if she's challenging him or flirting with him or both. "If I drink some water, will that make you happy?"

"Do you want me to get you some?" he asks earnestly.

"I can get it myself." Katara gets up to grab herself a cup from the counter, but as she starts walking, she trips over herself and lands in Zuko's lap. She throws her arms around his neck, laughing wildly, as he catches her and steadies her.

"Woah!" Zuko exclaims.

Sokka eyes focus on the two of them, and Zuko's heart beats nervously.

"I think she's had enough," Sokka finally assesses.

"Yeah," Zuko agrees as he helps Katara sit next to him.

"No!" Katara whines.

"Come on," Zuko says, "It's time for bed." He gets up and taking Katara's hand in his. "I'll take you."

"Yeah you will," Katara says, her voice dripping seductively.

Zuko looks desperately to Sokka as she says it, trying to register his response. But Sokka just picks the bottle they'd been sharing and says, "The rest's for us then!" and takes a drink. "Make sure she drinks some water though, will you, Zuko?"

Zuko holds her brother's eyes and nods.

"I don't need to drink water," Katara tottles, "I'm a waterbender!"

"I don't think that's how it works," Zuko tells her as he tries to steady her, careful where he puts his hands.

Zuko thinks he'd being smooth, careful, but he is a little drunk too, and it is hard to tell. Suki's eyes follow them as they walk out the door, one eyebrow arched.

"Are you okay?" he asks once they're out of earshot.

"Yes," she says, pushing his hands off of her, wanting to walk on her own. "You guys don't have to treat me like some little girl."

Zuko nods, thinking he understands. The puts one arm around her, holding her tightly. He puts his face by her ear and whispers through her hair, "trust me, I know you're not a little girl."

When his breath hits her ear, it kicks up something inside of her, and when they get to her room, she jumps on him with more force than he realized she had. They nearly topple over, but he catches her, and they manage to tumble into her bed, both laughing.

"I like you," Katara tells him, her big eyes looking directly into his.

"I like you too," Zuko tells her, trying not to chuckle. She likes to tell him this a lot, especially after she's been drinking.

"I like kissing you," she says, tracing his lips with her finger.

"I like kissing you too," Zuko tells her as he pushes her thick hair out of her face.

"Thanks," she says with a wispy voice. She is trying to stare in his eyes, but she is a little too drunk to focus, so she rolls over and lies next to him.

Zuko wraps one arm around her and tucks her hair behind her ear with his fingers.

"Zuko?" Katara has a question she's wanted to ask him for a while, and the booze she'd drunk emboldens her. It might have been the reason she was drinking, because she's wanted to ask him this question for a while.

"Yeah?" he turns slightly to look at her.

"We're going to have sex, right?"

Zuko had not expected her to ask him that. "Umm, yeah..." he says, his slightly drunken brain being the first to respond, but his wits quickly return to him, "I mean, only if you want to, of course."

"I want to," Katara says as she pulls herself on top of him and leans in to kiss him.

"Hey, Katara," he says, grabbing her hands and holding her gently, "not why you're drunk, okay?"

She sighs. Zuko can't tell if he's hurt her, upset her or disappointed her.

"You think you're being noble, don't you?" she says as she rolls off of him.

"I don't know," he says honestly. But he knows it would feel wrong.

"Is it going to hurt?"

"I don't know," Zuko says. "I hope not. You know I'd never want to do anything that would…"

Katara brings one of her hands down, smacking him in the mouth, trying to stop him from talking.

Zuko lets out a sound of surprise.

"Yeah, I know," she tells him. "You and your honor…."

"Hey," he rolls over, growing serious. "This isn't about my honor, Katara, it's about…"

"Don't say it," she says. There's an edge in her voice he doesn't understand.

"Katara," Zuko almost pleads. He doesn't understand what's going on.

"It's fine, Zuko," she huffs. She's laying flat on her back and staring up at the ceiling. "You're right, I'm drunk, we should just go to sleep."

But sleep is the farthest thing from Zuko's mind right now. "Katara," he says softly, stroking her arm with just one finger.

She stays rigid but lets out a low deep breath.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Zuko laughs before he can stop himself. She rolls over and glares at him.

"What? I'm sorry, but, clearly, that's a lie."

"You need to believe me when I tell you something, Zuko." She says flatly.

Zuko has to stop himself from pointing out that if she wants him to trust her, she shouldn't deny the obvious right now. But he knows what wouldn't be productive.

"Okay. But you need to tell me when something's wrong. And something is clearly wrong."

She rolls over and faces him. "I want to have sex with you. I'm ready."

Zuko holds her gaze and nods.

"And all you seem to want to do is kiss and cuddle…"

"That's not true…"

"I know you want more than that, at least, part of you does," she says, reaching down and grabbing his erection.

Zuko gasps, both out of surprise and pleasure.

"Don't you want me?" she asks, her voice suddenly tender, vulnerable.

Zuko softly takes her face into his hands and looks at her deeply. "Of course I do, Katara…" he says, trying to process everything she's just told him.

He supposes he thought he was being respectful, not trying to pressure her, or make her think she owed him anything, that he expected anything from her. But he realizes now how he might have inadvertently made her think she didn't want her; or pressured her into having to bring up this conversation.

He kisses her deeply, fully, and Katara feels a fire race through her, the certainty of his affection that had only flickered before now burned brightly. She moans as his lips leave hers.

"Katara, I want to…I want to make love to you," he says, part of him scared to use those words, but knowing they're the right ones. "And I want to do it the right way."

"What does that mean?" she says with a small laugh.

Zuko isn't sure, but he remembers when his uncle learned the sailors on his ship had taken him to a brothel for the first time. Iroh had gone away for a few days – on business regarding the White Lotus, Zuko now assumed, though he had no idea what his uncle was up to at the time. Zuko had recently saved one of his men from drowning. A large, muscular man named Hisan, who apparently couldn't swim. When Iroh told them to make port a few days later, and told Zuko he'd be back in three nights, the men celebrated. They brought a great barrel of ale, and then wandered into town, taking the banished prince with him.

"This is on me," Hisan told Zuko, with a wink. "Enjoy, Prince Zuko."

Zuko was only just beginning to understand what was going on as he was led through the halls of the brothel. There were dozens of women, all in various states of undress, all wearing brightly colored sheer fabrics, twisted lightly around them.

The woman who took his hand was named Tahni, and Zuko always felt a little conflicted about the time he spent with her, it was pleasurable nevertheless.

When his uncle returned and learned what had happened, he took his nephew aside.

"I hear you had some fun while I was gone," Iroh said, no judgement in his voice.

"What did you hear?" Zuko asked him.

"There is no need to be ashamed, Prince Zuko," Iroh told him, taking his shoulder in his hand. "The pink room is a magical place."

Zuko nodded.

"Did you enjoy your visit?"

"Yes, uncle."

"I'm glad," Iroh told him with a little laugh as he led him down one of the ship's halls to his private quarters. "One of the greatest pleasures in the world can be found there, but you must know, Prince Zuko, that even though every man is given the key, he must always ask permission to enter."

Iroh's message is not lost on him. He's heard enough of the sailors talk to understand.

"There is a beautiful goddess waiting at the door, if you are good to her, she will let you enter."

Tahni had explained this to Zuko too, he nodded again.

"But, Zuko," Iroh told him, turning to his nephew seriously, "not all women are like the ones you met the other night. They are trained in the art of lovemaking. Their pink rooms are…"

Iroh struggled as the metaphor failed him. Zuko looked up at him, wanting to learn.

"Look, nephew, what I want to tell you is, some day there will be a young woman you care about, or when you take a bride, you will need to be gentle and kind. Do you know this?"

"I know to be nice to girls, uncle, and treat them with respect."

Iroh smiled, proud of his nephew's kind heart. But he also realized his meaning was unclear.

"Zuko," he said, "sex is not the same for men and women. Especially the first time. Have you heard of the pink gate?"

Zuko nodded.

"And you know some men prefer women whose gate is not broken?"

Zuko nodded again.

"Do you know why some men like this?"

Zuko's blinking gold eyes said he doesn't.

"It is not a gate, Zuko, it does not open and close. Once opened, it is open forever. Some men value the pink gate because it means they get to be first to enter. And some men value this in a wife."

This makes sense to Zuko, he understands.

"But other men enjoy breaking the pink gate down."

"Why?" Zuko asks.

"I do not know," Iroh says honestly, "but opening the pink gate for the first time, the only time, it can be very painful for the woman if you are not careful. Do you understand me?"

Zuko nods again, even though he isn't entirely sure.

"Very good, nephew," Iroh said.

. . . . .

"I just want you, Zuko," Katara tells him, "whatever that's like."

Zuko pulls her under him and kisses her deeply for a long time. When he finishes, he holds her face tenderly in his hand and looks her in the eyes. "Okay," he says.

Katara can tell by the look in his eyes that he's serious, but she also knows he doesn't mean tonight. "We'll talk about it tomorrow?" she asks.

"Of course," he says as he rolls over to her side and clutches her tightly. Katara can hear the strong, steady beat of his heart and falls asleep as he gently strokes her arm.


	7. You Burn Me

**You Burn Me**

* * *

"You burn me."

_Sappho, Fragment 38_

* * *

Zuko, of course, wakes early the next morning, just as the sun begins to brighten the horizon. Katara stirs as he untangles himself from her.

"Mmmmm," she mumbles as he slides his arm out from under her.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.

"Are you leaving?"

"I'll be back," he tells her, kissing her hair softly.

"I don't want you to go," she grumbles, still half asleep, reaching out to him but unable to feel him.

"Go back to sleep," he tells her gently again, certain she won't notice his absence before long.

"I can't, it's too cold without you," she says, finally opening her eyes and finding him. "Why do you always leave?"

There is something in her eyes that tugs at Zuko's heart. He lets out a pained and muffled groan.

"Katara, I…" he scratches his head as he looks for the words.

She props herself up, wiping the sleep from her eyes,

Zuko gulps, not wanting to admit it, but not knowing what else to say.

"Katara," he whispers, "I'm going to masturbate."

Katara's eyes widen and a smile crosses her face. She covers her mouth as she tries not to laugh, and as she does, she can't help but notice Zuko's stiff erection showing in his pants.

"Do you do this every morning?"

Zuko just groans. He leans in and kisses Katara's head again as he gets up to leave, but she grabs ahold of his hand and doesn't let go.

"No," she says, "I want to help."

Zuko's face contorts, he's clearly conflicted about this.

"Come on…Please?"

That word nearly unravels him.

He tries to think of a reason to say _no_ , but since they talked about—and even agreed to—having sex last night, Zuko's got nothing. A part of Zuko feels like there has got to be proper way for them to do this, a way where it unfolds naturally, mutually, not simply because he needs it. He's sure his uncle had told him something about it, once, if only he'd listened.

But Katara sits up on the bed, getting on her knees, and she puts her hands on his chest, lowering them to the top of his pants. She pulls on them slightly, raising her eyes up to his and biting her lip.

When she looks up at him like this, he's at her mercy.

Zuko holds her stare and just nods, realizing a large part of his reticence is out of nerves, fear, uncomfortable at her seeing him naked in the full morning light rather than the security of the dark.

But the second she blinks her eyes, still staring up at him, shining, radiating, they melt him.

Katara, as curious as she is excited, begins to pull down his pants, and his hardened erection pops out.

She's never seen a penis before, at least, not like this. Sure, she'd seen many babies and young children naked, but never a full grown man.

And a full grown man Zuko is. It's bigger than Katara imagined, and a color she can't even describe.

She gently wraps one hand around it and begins moving back and forth.

"Like this?"

Zuko can barely speak. "Yes," he tells her, "faster."

Katara steadies herself by placing one on her hands on his ass, and with the other, she tightens her hold around him, moving her hand back and forth more quickly, turning it as she pumps him.

She studies Zuko's face the entire time. His eyes flutter up in his eye lids, and Katara is excited to see him lose his composure. Always so guarded, so serious, so formal—she enjoys this power she has over him.

"Am I supposed to put my mouth on it?" She asks him, some part of her knowing this is what lovers do, even though she's not sure why.

"Umm…" Zuko struggles to find words; he's barely able to think.

"Zuko," Katara says, quickens her rhythm, as if trying to catch his attention.

It takes Zuko an enormous amount of effort to concentrate on speaking. "Gods, Katara," he finally manages, "umm, only if you want to…"

Katara makes her motions harder, slower and deeper. Her voice becomes a shader more serious as well. "I asked if you wanted me to."

Zuko knows he shouldn't ask her to do anything she's not comfortable with. He doesn't want to pressure her or make demands.

But the way she says it, her voice serious yet playful, basically commanding him, aroused him so, he can't deny his own drive for pleasure—which is exactly what Katara wants him to do.

"Yes," Zuko admits.

A part of him feels unburdened by the confession; another part, ashamed.

Katara is happy, however, Zuko finally isn't overthinking things. Happy she's reached some pure and essential part of him, thinking, in some way, this is him at his most honest.

She doesn't know what she's doing, but she takes Zuko's member unafraid and gently brings it into her mouth. He inadvertently shudders as she does so, gripping her shoulders to steady himself.

Katara is surprised by how salty it tastes, and how awkward it feels in her mouth. She's able to fit less of it in that she imagined. Katara isn't sure how, or why, she thought she'd somehow take all of him in. She almost gags as she tries to, so she keeps her thumb and one of her fingers looped around his base and begins to figure out how to move her hand in tandem with her mouth.

Katara worries Zuko will notice how inexperienced she is. After several minutes of licking him, stroking him, and trying to suck on him, she can't think of anything else to do with her mouth, or how to do any of what she's already tried to do any better. "Sorry," she tells him, "I don't really know what I'm doing."

"I'm okay with that," Zuko tells her, chuckling slightly. A part of him is honored he's the first and only person she's done this with, and he leans down and tilts her face up to his, kissing her deeply and folding her into his arms as he joins her on the bed.

"But I want you to finish," she says, her eyes locking with his.

Zuko's hands roam her body as he pulls her into an even tighter hug. Katara feels a strange thrill of excitement as his erection presses into her, warm and tingling, like her body knows what it is and wants it.

Zuko rolls on his back and begins pumping himself with his hand. Katara watches him for a moment, and then takes over.

When she does, Zuko begins to moan. His eyes flutter into the back of his head and his breaths become deeper, more guttural.

She smiles.

"Oh, Katara," Zuko sighs her name, slow at first, and loving.

Katara takes his member with both of her hands and makes her grip more firm. She begins rotating them, twirling them, varying her pace and rhythm until Zuko's breaths quicken and become more desperate.

"Oh, Katara," he repeats, but this time, it sounds like he's begging, maybe pleading, and, she assumes, asking for more.

Katara picks up her pace, excited to see the state she's brought him to.

Zuko's mind is sparkling, spiraling as pleasure courses through him. He knows she's about to take him over the edge.

"Oh, Katara!" He says again, desperate and urgent this time. Unable to contain himself any longer, Zuko comes.

He tries to reach down and catch it with his own hands, spare Katara from the mess he knows he's made.

But he's not quick enough.

The white semen shoots out, covering both of Katara's hands and trickling down on his skin.

Zuko pants, still in a daze, and falling back down on the pillows.

Katara marvels at the hot, sticky white liquid covering her hands, rubbing it between her fingers.

"Sorry," Zuko finally manages to say.

"Why are you always sorry," Katara asks him, her voice sweet but curious. "Didn't you like that?"

"Yes," Zuko admits, not sure why he's so prone to apologies. But even though he doesn't have an answer, certain memories come flooding back to him.

Overhearing his sailors, on his boat, say things like, "Earth Kingdom girls, they'll let you cum on their face, you don't even have to pay 'em!"

Running into a young woman – maybe even younger than Katara now – early one morning in the ship's halls. Her eyes were downcast, her shoes in her hands, and her dress falling off one of her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I need to leave," she muttered, not looking at him. Zuko was barely 14 at the time. He didn't know what to say, so he just stepped aside and pointed the way out.

And then there were memories of his mother—how sometimes, when she'd read to him at night, one of the servants would come for her. "The Fire Lord wishes to see you, my lady." Zuko remembered how she'd tense and her eyes would grow dark. "Of course," his mother would reply. "But mom!" Young Zuko would protest, not understanding at all, "you haven't finished reading me the story!" His mother would sweetly cup his face and kiss him. "You know your father doesn't like to be kept waiting." Zuko grumbled and his mother smiled at him softly. Zuko didn't know why, but he could tell she was unhappy.

These memories, and more, come flooding back to Zuko as he holds Katara tightly. He hasn't seen many healthy relationships, women treated with respect.

He just wants to make sure he gets this one right.

He pulls her into his arms and begins kissing her. "I enjoyed that very much," he tells her as he starts to kiss her, his lips thankful, at first, appreciative, and then passionate.

"Do you…" he asks between kisses, "do you want me to go down on you?"

He cups her face in his hands and looks at her sincerely, wanting her to know how willing he is to return the favor.

Katara is surprised by his question and unaware of how deeply she starts blushing.

"Oh…ummmm…" She feels more nervous than excited by the idea, and Zuko senses her unease.

"Just tell me what you want to do."

"Will just hold me?" she asks him, always feeling so safe and comforted by his arms.

"Of course," Zuko tells her, kissing her deeply again before he folds her into his arms. She lays her head on his shoulder and one of his hands rubs softly down her back and stops to play with the soft skin on the curve of her waist. Zuko gently kisses the top of her head as she lets her hand trail delicate circles on his chest.

"You'd want to do that?" she asks him after several minutes. "To me?"

She feels more than hears the soft rattle of laughter in his chest.

"Of course," he says so quickly and readily, she knows he's being honest.

Katara doesn't know why this surprises her. No single memory comes back to her, but she has the overwhelming impression most men wouldn't want to do it.

"Would I like that?" she asks him, her voice betraying all her inexperience and innocence.

Zuko laughs audibly this time and squeezes her tightly. "I would hope so."

"Would you like it?" she asks.

"Yeah," Zuko says plainly, and Katara isn't sure she understands why. But Zuko has heard how many woman prefer oral sex, and he'd be happy to give it to her.

"Why can't we just have sex the normal way?"

Zuko squeezes her tightly again, "we can," he says, kissing her head gently again, "if that's what you want."

Considering the pleasure she'd just seen Zuko experience, and how much talk and taboo she knows surrounds real sex, she can help but believe the normal way will be better. A large part of her just wants to get to the good stuff.

"Yeah," she tells him as they begin to slowly drift back asleep in the early morning light, "that's what I want."


	8. These, Our Bodies, Possessed by Light

**These, Our Bodies, Possessed by Light**

* * *

Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.  
These, our bodies, possessed by light.  
Tell me we'll never get used to it.

Scheherazade – Richard Siken

* * *

"I'm ready," Katara tells Zuko after they've been making out for several minutes. Dark shadows cover them, and little else, as they lie in each other's arms, in various states of undress. Every time she's felt his erection press into her, it's set a little fire to her skin and she fills with anticipation, excitement.

This isn't the first time she's told him she's ready. It's been a few nights since their discussion about sex, a few days since their morning encounter.

"Are we going to have sex tonight?" she'd asked him a few times between frantic kisses.

"Are you ready, Katara?"

"Yeah, if you are," she told him, "I want to do what you want to do…"

Zuko would take her face gently in his hands, but his voice always fell very serious, "You have to want this, Katara, you have to be sure you're ready."

She was almost as much appreciative as she was angry, a part of her wanting to be with him, another part of her uncertain.

But they've grown comfortable and familiar with each other in the night's that have passed. She knows she's driving him wild and his kisses sizzle excitement across her skin. Every time he touches her, her body says, _I want more of him._

"I'm ready." Her cheeks are flushed, and her breath is hot as she says it—she knows she means it.

Her words call to the thinking part of Zuko's mind. He props himself up, pulling his lips from her chest, to look at her. His eyes lock meaningfully with hers. He knows he's annoyed her the past few nights in his insistence she's certain she's ready.

But as he looks at her tonight, feeling the heat rise from her body, seeing the excitement in her eyes, feeling it on her skin—he knows she means it.

So he doesn't question her this time.

Zuko leans down and kisses her, deeply and fully, on the lips. His tongue teases hers as it enters her mouth, and she lets him in before pushing him back playfully.

They both laugh after a few moments of doing this, and look at each other in the eyes, happy and excited.

Zuko kisses her lovingly again before pulling himself away to strip off the rest of his clothes.

Even though it's dark, Katara can see his erection, gleaming slightly in the faint moon light that shines into her room.

Her breath hitches as she sees it, remembering the pleasure she'd given him as she helped him come that one morning, shuddering at the pleasure she thinks is about to come again.

Zuko smiles when catches her looking at him and shrugs, as if to say, "well, this is me…"

Katara laughs at his grin and begins pulling off the rest of her clothes as well, shimmying off the last of her long skirts and kicking it to the floor, she sits on the edge of her bed and Zuko approaches her.

She parts her legs ever so slightly as he walks up to her, tossing her long thick hair behind her and looking up at him.

Zuko falls to his knees and buries his face in her chest. He gently kisses her breasts, sucking slightly on each nipple and making her laugh and his hands wander up and down her sides before settling at her waist and pulling her closer to him.

Katara encircles him in in a hug, spreading her legs wider and bringing him closer. When he seems to have finished attending to her breasts, she pulls his face up to hers, locking him in a kiss.

Zuko's arms fumble as he tries to pull himself up to meet her. As he does, they fall on top of each other, roll around each other, both laughing and kissing.

Katara ends up on top. She scoots her hips below his and grabs his erection, twirling her hands around it until he's fully hard.

Zuko's eyes flutter upwards and he loses his ability to speak. A wave or pleasure washes over his body. He can feel it rushing out to the tips of his fingers and toes, and then rising and pulling back in.

Katara continues working her hands around him, varying speed and pressure. She smiles as she sees Zuko lose control of the expressions on his face.

He's about to lose control of everything too, and, when he knows he's getting close to coming, his hands shoot up to Katara's and grab hers.

"Oh, Katara," he says with a satisfied moan, "careful."

They both laugh, and Zuko rises, taking Katara's face and kissing her deeply before wrapping one strong arm around her back. In a fluid, flash of a movement, Zuko swings Katara down on her back and climbs on top of her.

She giggles, filled with a rush of excitement, and stares up at him, eyes swimming with anticipation.

Zuko sits next to her and softly strokes her skin. His hands wander down, dancing over her nipples, strumming up excitement along the way, as he makes his way down to her privates.

His fingers gently run through the curly hair above her vagina.

"Tell me what you like," Zuko says, his eyes, running up and down her whole body, as his fingers gently open her lips and begin stroking her.

Katara sucks in her breath, equal parts nervous and excited. No one has ever touched her here before.

"Umm, I don't know," she tells him.

"What do you mean you don't know?" He looks into her eyes. "You mean you've never?"

She shakes her head no.

Zuko laughs slightly.

"What?" she says, just a bit indignant, "I didn't know I was supposed to!"

"Fair enough," Zuko tells her, softly rubbing his finger in the very entrance of her folds.

"How'd you know you were supposed to?" she asks, giving him a pointed look.

Zuko smiles as he thinks back, realizing he has no good answer.

"You just thought one day, 'I bet playing with my penis would be fun?'"

Zuko laughs harder this time and bites his lip. "Yeah, I guess…"

"I don't think it works that way for girls," she tells him, her voice wavering with a bit of vulnerability.

Zuko leans down and kisses her. He knows some women certainly don't have reservations about pleasing themselves—his ex-girlfriend Mei definitely didn't—but he also knows Katara's Water Tribe culture is very different from his, and gender norms and sexual standards vary greatly. He doesn't want her to feel insecure about her inexperience.

"Just tell me what you like," he repeats, his voice sweet and heavy like honey as he begins rubbing his fingers into her, feeling her moist folds.

Katara sighs frustratedly. This throws Zuko off, and he stops, afraid he's hurt or upset her.

"I just told you I don't know."

"Right, I'm trying to help you figure it out," he explains, confused by her annoyance. He was certain he'd said the right things.

"You mean you don't know?"

"What you like?" Zuko says incredulously.

"Yes," Katara says matter-of-factly.

Zuko lets out a sound that's something between a groan and a laugh as he buries his face in Katara's stomach. "How am I supposed to know that, Katara?" he says into her skin.

She softly plays with his hair, not understanding his distress.

"But you've done this before."

She has no idea the amount of pressure she's putting on him.

"It doesn't work like that, Katara," he finally says, turning to look up at her.

"Why?"

"I don't know." He pulls himself up and brings his face to hers and kisses her, sweetly, softly, and then more seductively.

He lets one hand roam down her skin again, softly squeezing one of her breasts before pressing firmly against her ribs cage and coming to her privates again.

"Just help me, please?" he whispers, his hot breath hits her ear and sends a little rush through her.

She's pretty sure if she were going to have sex with another man, she'd be doing the same things to him as she'd been doing with Zuko recently, so she doesn't understand his hesitation, but she turns her face slightly to meet his and nods.

She leans in to kiss him and she scoots her body down, ever so slightly, and spreads her legs wider apart.

Zuko is lying on his side next to her, and she feels him sigh as his fingers return to her privates and begin rubbing over the soft skin there. He focuses, wanting desperately to get this right.

Katara opens her eyes and looks up at the ceiling above her, trying to pay attention to the sensation below as Zuko's finger traces up and down, lightly over her lips, and then pressing in gently.

She gasps, feeling something she's never felt before. It's not pleasure, not yet, it's just no one has ever touched her there before.

Zuko smiles and kisses her shoulder, and he opens the folds and rubs her a little harder, finding her clit and pressing it.

"Do you like that?" he asks.

Katara blinks up at the ceiling. She doesn't not like it—but it mostly just feels different, new. It's not sending the hot sparks of excitement through her body like his kisses have. But she's curious about exploring this part of her body, and ready to have sex, wanting mostly to get to that part of everything, so she says, "Yes."

Zuko traces circles around her clit, and Katara's body definitely reacts to this. Her hips buck slightly, twitching at the new sensation, but it's gone before she can register it. Zuko assumes this means she likes it, and he continues the movement a few more times before pressing down harder into the folds of her vagina and sliding one finger into her vagina.

"That's one finger," he tells her.

"Okay," Katara says, still looking up. She feels a bit of pressure, but nothing too exciting. The rush she's felt a moment before is gone and right now, she mostly feels uncomfortable. She's not certain he's touching the right part, but she trusts him and assumes it's just new to her.

Zuko pulls his finger in and out of her a few times, marveling at her tight, wet entrance. He notices it seems to be getting wetter with each motion and smiles.

He sides a second finger into her, and Katara gasps this time, surprised at the pressure she feels. It's not too painful, but it's tight and uncomfortable, and she mostly just feels awkward that he's trying to press his fingers into her. Part of her thinks this can't be right, but she trusts Zuko and believes he knows what he's doing.

"That's two fingers," he tells her.

Katara lets out a long breath and nods. She shifts her position, trying to ease the pain to see if it feels better. She appreciates that Zuko wants to be sweet and take things slowly, but she really just wants to get on to the good stuff—so far, nothing has felt good.

"Yeah," she says, her tone is strained and hazy. Zuko assumes she's enjoying herself, but she's really just trying not to focus on the discomfort she feels as he presses himself deeper into her.

"Do you like this?" he asks in a heady voice.

"It's…ummm…I've never felt this before," she says, honestly.

"Do you like it?"

"I like you," she says, honestly again, and she pulls his face up to hers and kisses him.

Zuko responds to her eager kisses and climbs on top of her. He slides his hands over her body. Katara likes this more, feeling his hands run up and down over her ribs, cradle her breasts. She smiles when he squeezes them—not so much because her body enjoys the sensation, but because she knows he does so much.

She thinks to herself: _the sex part will be better,_ as she works herself into his lips, holding on to the sweet, wonderful taste they give her.

She holds on to his face for moments, eagerly, almost desperately, kissing him.

"Oh, Katara," Zuko sighs. He's so incredibly turned on by her. His erection pokes awkwardly into her belly.

They both know he's hard.

"Are you ready?"

She smiles at him and nods.

Zuko cups her face again and kisses her deeply before he trails kisses down her neck, across her chest and on to her stomach.

Katara lets out a soft moan, enjoying this sensation. Anticipation builds and she shudders slightly as his hair tickles her skin on top of his kisses.

Zuko presses a final soft kiss on her stomach and pulls himself up so his face is near to hers. She smiles as he climbs on top of her, watching him expectantly.

"Just tell me if it hurts, or if you want me to stop, or go slower, or anything."

Katara smiles at him sweetly, softly stroking his face—she appreciates his concern, but she wants to do this, whatever it's like.

"I'm ready, Zuko," she says with as much confidence as she can.

He holds himself up with one hand, and Katara absently mindedly strokes the muscles on his arm, enjoying the hard lines that signal his strength as she does so.

Zuko's other hand opens the soft lips of her vagina, and he rubs it again a few times, hoping it excites her as much as it excites him. She's so soft and wet and warm—Zuko struggles to control himself. But his excitement is mixed with nerves, he wants so desperately to do this right and give Katara as much pleasure as she's given him, as she deserves.

He lays down on top of her, needing both hands to guide himself in.

Katara likes feeling his weight on top of her, and she lets her hands roam his back, holding on to him as she feels him part the lips of her vagina and guide the tip of his penis into her.

She bites her lip as he slowly enters.

Zuko is overcome with the amazing warm and wonderful feeling. She's so wet and tight. He can't believe how good this feels.

But Katara feels awkward and uncomfortable. She grunts and shifts her hips, trying to better accommodate him.

Zuko moves himself slowly and carefully, making sure he's gentle and he pushes himself all the way in.

As he fills her, Katara gasps.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she says, nodding her head, even though she's in a lot of pain. "You can, umm, go ahead," she tells him, hoping that getting started will make things feel better.

It doesn't.

Zuko holds Katara's face and kisses her deeply. She focuses her attention on his mouth, because everything else feels wrong and hurts more than she imagined. She knows the first time can be painful, but she wasn't expecting this. She thought it'd feel better once he was fully inside her, once he'd broken her hymen or whatever that part of sex was, but every time he thrusts into her, it hurts like hell.

Zuko slowly moves in and out, savoring the incredible feeling of being inside her. Every nerve in his body is singing with excitement, and after being slow and gentle for several moments, he begins to move faster and find his rhythm, pleasure coursing through his body.

Katara grips him tighter and buries her face in the crook of his neck, clinging to him for comfort as she waits for it to get better. She thinks to herself _It will get better now, it will get better soon._

But it doesn't, and she begins to cry.

Even though Zuko is in the throes of passion, he begins to notice her reaction. How she's not moving with him, how she seems tense, rigid.

He stops thrusting and looks at her face. He's terrified to realize she's crying.

"Katara, what's wrong?" he asks tenderly.

Katara is embarrassed that he's noticed. "It's okay," she tells him, turning her face to the side and trying to hide her tears. "Keep going."

"Am I hurting you?" he asks, slowly pulling himself out.

"It's supposed to hurt the first time," she tells him, as she reaches for him, trying to bring him back to her, into her. "Please," she doesn't want him to stop, it makes her feel like she's failed. "Zuko, I don't mind that it hurts—"

"Well, I do," he says, his voice suddenly serious.

Katara sighs. She's knows he thinks he's being noble or proper or something like that, but she's not in the mood for it.

"Can we just get this part over with, please?" She reaches for him again, wanting to go back.

"Katara," he says, barely able to believe her.

"Please, Zuko? It's okay if it—"

"No, it's not, Katara. Spirits! What kind of guy do you think I am? I'm not going to fuck you while you're crying."

Tears return to Katara's eyes and she begins crying again. She can't help but feel rejected. She starts to pull the covers up around her. She wants to hide, to disappear.

Zuko immediately realizes he's hurt her feelings, even though he doesn't understand why.

"Katara," he reaches for her, but she pulls away.

"I'm sorry I'm such an inadequate lover and that I wasn't perfect for you my first time." She pushes herself away from him and tries to cover herself with the sheet.

Zuko's mouth falls open. He can't believe what she's saying and barely understands where it's coming from.

"Katara, you're not inadequate—"

But Katara is feeling exposed and dejected. "Did you ever think that maybe it's not always perfect for girls? Maybe those other girls just told you what you wanted to hear because you're a prince and you paid them." She says as she finishes wrapping the bed sheet around her.

This comment hits a nerve in Zuko—he actually had considered this. It's one of his deepest insecurities.

But Katara keeps going before he can figure out what to say. "I guess I should I have let Jet fuck me, so I'd be better at this for you?"

Zuko tries to figure out how he should best respond as she gets up. But as she tries to walk away, the sheet tangles around her feet and she falls hard to the floor on her knees.

Feeling utterly pathetic and foolish, she begins sobbing.

Zuko immediately gets up to help her.

"No!" she tells him harshly, swatting him away.

Zuko holds his hand up, as if surrendering, and slows steps back to the bed and sits down.

She scoots herself into a sitting position on the floor and pulls the bed sheet over her chest, trying to reclaim some of her dignity.

Zuko wants desperately to help her, to hug her, to somehow make everything better, but he respects her wishes and stays back.

She brings her knees up under her chin and holds herself as she cries. She'd been so excited about this night and feels like she's messed up everything.

"Do you want me to leave?" Zuko asks after several moments pass.

"No," she admits through a painful sob.

"Katara, what's happening?" he asks, his voice a desperate plea—he can't help but feel responsible.

"I don't know, I'm sorry." She wipes her face with the sheet.

Zuko carefully gets up and crouches next to her.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you," he says, gently putting his arm behind her. When she doesn't reject him this time, he pulls her into him.

"Yes there is, I ruined everything."

"No you didn't," he tells her, softly kissing her head. "It's my fault." Even though Zuko's voice is soft and calm, inside of him a fire is raging—he's furious at himself for hurting her, for not knowing how to make it right.

"No, you were sweet and kind and gentle and so good to me," her voice trembles as she says it, every one of her dark emotions getting the better of her. "I couldn't even let you finish."

"Katara," he says her name urgently, turning her face to look at his, "I wouldn't have wanted you to, not if it was that bad."

Her tears pick up again, and Zuko looks at her in horror. He silently curses himself, not understanding how he keeps making things worse.

"But what if it's just like that, Zuko?" She wipes some of the tears. "I don't want it to be perfect, I just want it to be you."

Zuko feels something crumble inside him as she says this, and he holds her tightly, protectively, in his arms even though he feels utterly unworthy right now.

"You have me, Katara," he tells her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, "I'm yours and I'm not going anywhere. You just tell me what you want, okay?"

Katara nods into him and squeezes his hand that's wrapped around her. She doesn't really know what she wants right now, but she's happy to have him.

And he holds her tightly, hoping it's some form of consolation for everything he's put her through tonight. But deep down, on the inside, Zuko has no idea how he's going to make this right.

* * *

AN: Hello All! Thank you, as always, for reading. I'm sorry if this chapter isn't quite what you wanted. I had originally planned to write a really sweet and wonderful first encounter for the two. I really did. But the more and more time I spent with these characters, in their world, it really didn't seem realistic.

I am not a fan of the painful first-time sex trope, but considering how many women I know who've had this experience, it is, alas, realistic, I think.

I read a lot of people's stories online before writing this chapter, and listened to a bunch of TED talks about sex, intimacy, biology, relationships, etc., and this is just how the story came out.

So I guess what I mean is, I'm not a fan of believing sex should be/ has to be painful the first time. It might be a realistic depiction of events, but I don't want anyone to think it should be this way. According to all the experts, sex should not be painful, not even the first time, also, hymens don't "break" – in case anyone needs that piece of knowledge. They're kind of like scrunchies – they stretch. It's crazy how pervasive that myth is and how well it's stuck to our culture even though it's freaking 2020.

I will also say that I don't know if it's realistic—or even right—to expect a guy to stop if the woman doesn't ask him to. As a feminist, I do have some misgivings about giving the guy that kind of "authority" in a situation. But, it's also not realistic to assume people have that much awareness or agency…so, I did have Zuko do it in this chapter and hope I showed both while it's really good he did, but also kind of a problem if he doesn't listen to Katara/ if he keeps second-guessing her and stuff.

Anyway, sorry if this is a bit incoherent, this chapter hits closer to home than I want to admit, and I really struggled to write it, but I hope you all enjoy the story, and I promise, the good sex stuff is coming here, so if that's all you signed up for in reading this, I'm sorry it's been such a long ride.

Thanks for reading and you all take care of yourselves!

CG

**Author's Note:**

> And that's chapter one! Turned out to be way longer than I thought, and way less smutty. Oops. I know I said I wanted to subvert problematic tropes, so I have some reservations about the alcohol drinking in here, but this is kind of just how the story unfolded to me, and I do feel like alcohol is – however unfortunately – a common factor in teenage romance, so I tried to portray the characters in a way that is realistic and respectful. I hope no one has a problem with it. I definitely wanted Katara to have her own agency here, even if she was avoiding her problem by drinking, Zuko didn't magically solve it for her, she had to figure it out for herself, so hopefully that was nice.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! More will be posted soon, but until then, go read some more of Rumi's poetry, because isn't it gorgeous? That line immediately came to mine I first started thinking about Katara and Zuko. Thanks again for reading and giving any feedback!


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